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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to define this??

4 replies

goodoldmum · 23/08/2024 16:19

I haven’t posted here in a long time, but you all have always been very good with advice!

I have been single for 2 years. I have been on a few dates but nothing ever came of it. My choice because I liked my life and enjoyed just being me and my kids. I don’t have a lot of time to invest in a relationship, or hadn’t met anyone I wanted to. However, I recently met a man online and we have been on 3 ‘dates’. We chat for hours, he’s funny and interesting and has all the same political beliefs as me. We have slept together and I feel like I’m already falling for him. It’s hit me out of the blue.

I feel like I’m going insane!!! I really, really like him but he’s a closed book. He had a traumatic childhood which might contribute to that. I just cannot tell what his feelings are, I cannot tell if he’s a player or into me. As I said, we have only been on 3 dates but how can I ask him without sounding like a total lunatic??

I feel like just ending it because I feel crazy. It’s not me at all! I’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past and I don’t want to continue this if he’s not on the same page as me, I can’t deal with hurt again.

help!!!

OP posts:
invisiblecat · 23/08/2024 17:11

You need to take an enormous step back and cool it. You barely know the man.

goodoldmum · 23/08/2024 17:14

invisiblecat · 23/08/2024 17:11

You need to take an enormous step back and cool it. You barely know the man.

That’s exactly what I need to hear! Thank you. I’ve turned from an ice Queen into a total crazy person!!!

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 23/08/2024 17:43

Step back emotionally then when you meet again i would establish exclusivity. Doesn't mean you're getting married but it does mean agreeing not to date or meet others whilst you explore this. If he says no, I'd cut ties. A handful of dates and sex is enough to know whether he wants to give it a go just the two of you, even if he does keep his cards close to his chest.

goodoldmum · 23/08/2024 20:53

Thank you @Catandsquirrel . I feel like I’ve given myself up physically and therefore emotionally. I don’t usually sleep with men so quickly and feeling very vulnerable. My own fault I suppose. Also, I’ve always had men become vulnerable with me quickly - even my ex-husband declared his love after only a few weeks. This is new ground for me!

thank you for your advice, I appreciate it immensely.

OP posts:
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