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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be bothered by this?

21 replies

lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 15:56

So a relative is visiting from abroad and staying nearby. I was contacted via WhatsApp by this relative and asked for advice re the best route from the airport etc to where they were staying. I sent appropriate advice with a snapshot of the train journey and also offered to collect from a midway point if they wanted that. They got back to me soon after saying they had made arrangements and a friend was going to collect her now. Fine. Although I did think they could have let me know about these new arrangements. But no prob. To be hospitable and b/c I want to see them too, arrangements were made via a phonemail to spend time together today. I put today aside.I didn't in fact rearrange a few commitments today too...but my choice to do that. She cancelled late last night, I saw the msg this morn. It seemed like a reasonable reason tbh. She didn't however suggest another time we could meet up. We chatted on the phone late morning today, good vibe. She started talking about her eve plans & said she was due to be home late , like midnight. The lady she's staying with, who I am also related to, lives near me too, was unaware of her eve plans and she hadn't informed her of her plans as she wanted to get my opinion on it first. She was concerned that the lady she's staying with wont like her coming home late on the train tonight. I agreed, this lady wont, she's very anxious and old too. I wanted to be accommodating , and I did wonder if she was dropping a hint too, so I suggested her coming back on the train to my house instead for the night. I wouldn't mind at all. She said yes. Sorted. I told her I was popping into this old lady today , and this relative said she would leave her overnight bag in the hallway for me to collect and bring back to my house. She was polite. Before setting off to this old lady's house, I get a msg saying 'my eve plans have changed, I may not be going out tonight now.' So in my head I thought , 'so do I take your overnight bag with me back to my house or not?' Whilst at this old lady's house I messaged and called her to find out. She did get back to me just before I left saying ...'no need to take the overnight bag now.'
I find all this back 'n forth change of plans exhausting and stressful.
I am also pretty sure she will reach out today 'when shall we meet up, I really wanna see you' etc etc
Well I am not confident that she'll follow through tbh. And I dont like this ...yes/no/yes/no malarke

What people think pls?

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 15:57

I mean I DID rearrange a few commitments today in order to spend some time with them

OP posts:
stokes81 · 23/08/2024 15:59

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:00

what do u mean?

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 23/08/2024 16:00

It is annoying that you’ve gone out of your way to accommodate this person and see them. I would leave it at that and see if they contact you again to meet up, but I wouldn’t be changing any more plans for her.

TruthorDie · 23/08/2024 16:01

I would take a major step back. Their chopping and changing sounds annoying

OP posts:
stokes81 · 23/08/2024 16:07

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lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:07

Not his is NOT my son, its a cousin

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:08

she's female

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:08

stokes81 · Today 16:07
i can’t believe it

this is your SON!

Be careful when making assumptions

OP posts:
stokes81 · 23/08/2024 16:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:09

This is not about my son.i am not talking about my son. FYI I saw him last wk and we had a great time.

OP posts:
stokes81 · 23/08/2024 16:10

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lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:10

Some parts of his childhood were difficult..SOME. He Almohad a lot of wonderful parts too

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:11

Well thank u Stokes81 for your contributions

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 23/08/2024 16:14

I'm not really seeing the issue, the cousin is visiting from elsewhere, the are trying to make arrangements on the fly and they fell through. Each time they have been in contact with you before it becomes an issue. It was your choice to change today's activities before nailing down any concrete arrangement.

If you and the cousin had previously arranged to visit A place,meeting at B time and doing XYZ and then they flaked on you that is different. But this isn't that.

lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:15

Well actually today we had arranged to meet at 11 and have lunch out

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:17

I'm very straight up, I follow through and I see lots of people just showing flaky behaviour...it doesn't work for me

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 23/08/2024 16:19

thanks for replies!

OP posts:
Boxina · 23/08/2024 16:21

She's totally flaky and I would be pissed off with her if I were you. I also wouldn't bother making arrangements to see her in future, and if I did it would say "I don't want you to cancel on me again, it's rude to waste my time".

LittleLittleRex · 23/08/2024 17:23

It wouldn't bother me, it sounds like she's trying to fit a lot in and other people are not replying or confirming for her, rather than she herself is flaky. Its a consequence of arranging things through messages.

She's let you know things in time and not caused any real issues. She's done her best

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