Financial settlement

[Rocketman2]

So I found my H having an affair nearly a month ago. I promptly told him to leave and he hasn’t been back since. He’s walked away from my children (teens) and is still with OW. Total mid life crisis behaviour in other formats too. He’s not taken responsibility and is totally using The Script in terms of denying the depth of the affair and projecting blame on me for him doing it.
we’d been together for 26 years.

Fast forwarding to now.. I’ve not got my own bank account. Never had financial independence. He’s a big earner and I’ve been a SAHM and carer for my daughter who has a life threatening illness (carers involved etc).

Ive Spoken to a solicitor who has drafted a letter to him outlining a request for financial settlement. She’s said to let her know when she should send it.

this is the issue. When?? At what point is a good time? Do I need to do anything or think of anything before I press the button? He’s likely to go nuclear on me once I’ve done it. He’s got narcissistic tendencies so I’m worried of the repercussions.

when do I send it??

Im desperate to be independent of him. I want a life without this shit and to move on now and show my daughters what life can look like with love and respect.

Get as many records of income / assets as you can in case he tries to hide assets. With a child who may require lifelong care meaning you cannot work, you may actually be one of the very rare cases where alimony is appropriate. At the very least, you want to argue for more than 50% of the assets.

You need a good solicitor - that may be your current solicitor or it may not.

Your solicitor should know when to send it. But it should be after you have filed for divorce, attended your mediation sessions ( if they still do those) and once you have all the finances, pension statements etc to make an informed decision

Do you have access to money ? Who pays the bills ?? If the answer is No & he does then I'd get started very quickly of sorting things out.

My solicitor said she will for for spousal maintenance for me

If you haven't filed for divorce yet, you need to apply to the Court for maintenance pending suit. This deals with finances through to Absolute. You shouldn't apply for Absolute though until you have your financial settlement agreed.