How do you socialise without alcohol

[collann]

Hi
I've just come out of a relationship with an alcoholic. I've never been a big drinker myself twice a year if that but being with him had totally put me off it.

My friends want me to go out with them on the nights I'm child free which I'd like to do but I'll feel awkward not having an alcoholic drink and will people think I'm boring?

Have any of you guys done/do it?
I'd love to hear how you cope or how you socialise if you're not into alcohol x

I've been tee total for about 12 years.

It's fine.

I drive and I'm happy to do lifts which I think is what stops people commenting!

But even so. How does anyone know my half pint of Pepsi in the same glass as their vodka and Pepsi is not alcoholic!

Friends - true friends - won't care and won't comment. They'll respect your decision.

Exactly the same way as with alcohol, just with more self-conscious moments and mild anxiety until you realise it's perfectly fine and normal.

would be more judgmental of those criticising a non drinker than the person choosing not to ..

Most places do Becks blue / Heineken 0% no one needs to know your not drinking. Ive not drank now for around 7 years. Im also currently splitting up from an alcoholic - i stopped drinking as someone needed to be in control with kids

I discovered I was much more likely to get on the dancefloor if I was sober, because I had no fear of looking the most ridiculous. Due to how ridiculous everyone else looked.

Also, people are interesting for their first 2 drinks, then they start repeating themselves, but louder.

Can you make friends with some non-drinkers, or do some non-drinking hobbies?

I haven't drunk in about 5 years. Lots of places do alcohol free drinks now like Prosecco. Or have a coke. It's no big deal anymore.

You may suggest different sorts of activities. Not every fun night with friends needs to involve a pub, rounds of shots, etc.

You may tire of a night out sooner and want to go home and that’s fine. You take yourself home.

I’m sober and I don’t mind an evening at the pub, but I have an expiry date. It gets boring hearing everyone yammer on telling the same boring story they told the last time they were drunk. I disappear off home, have a peppermint tea and put myself to bed at a reasonable hour.

I don’t think of it as ‘it’s hard to have fun without booze’ but more ‘this is actually really boring and I’d have to drink to pretend it’s fun, so I’d rather do something better’.

If you don’t normally drink alcohol, why would going out on this night out be any different to any other night out when you don’t drink?!

Just drink what you normally drink if you’re out.

Always be driving. Easy.

I don't go out in that sense now, as I'm not in an age group where that's enjoyable, but I used to go clubbing and drink only Diet Pepsi. People like having a designated driver, so you're an asset on any evening out where there is drinking going on.
Be proud that you don't need booze to have a good time.

Yeah, drunk people are amusing only to themselves and other drunk people. They're a huge bore if you're sober.

Very easy for me not drinking alcohol, I’ve never relied on it in order to have a good time 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'll be honest with you. If your mates are drinkers, they very likely will be a bit off about you not drinking. They may think you will be too serious, won't join in, will be judging them etc. Such is the culture we have around alcohol and it being essential to fun. So I think you do need to prepare yourself for that. Particularly where the group includes drinkers who dont know you well. However, if they are good friends, and you can still have and be fun, they'll get used to it.
Going out without drinking can feel very different and I know some sober people who've never managed to find a way to enjoy it, so now just do different things instead. For me, I love to dance and if the company's good don't need alcohol to enhance it. Try it and see.

Thank you all so much

My friends wouldn't care if I drank or not and would understand why I didn't.

I can and have been on a big night out and not drunk as I've been designated driver.

It's just a new thing for me so going forward it'll be awkward to explain to someone why I don't drink.

This may seem silly to some but after being in an abusive relationship I'm trying to find my confidence x

I’ve hardly ever found myself in situations where drinking alcohol would be expected - and I go to pubs/ socialise a lot.

People drive and I’d say nowadays it’s unusual to pressure anyone to drink unless it’s a 50+ crowd.

At a party I usually have mocktails or alcohol free fizz, they’re readily available. If you’re friends with people that don’t tolerate non-drinkers then they look like the real thing too.

I do socialising in the day instead (i'm self employed) then you can do sports and not drink

“It's just a new thing for me so going forward it'll be awkward to explain to someone why I don't drink.”

It really doesn’t have to be awkward. And you don’t actually need to explain why. You can just say “No thanks, I don’t drink” or “No thanks, I’m not drinking” or even “No thanks, I’m not drinking tonight”. The last is perfectly true - for that night and all nights henceforth - but putting it like that means others may assume driving or medication or whatever and won’t press any further. And even if they do, again, you don’t in fact owe anyone an explanation.

Anyway, I think you’ll find no one cares, and if they do they’re idiots.

@collann you really don’t have to explain to anyone why you don’t drink.

I certainly remember this being a thing in the 2000s but times have changed. Religion, health, preference etc, it’s quite impolite to ask anyone to explain.

If you say ‘family background of alcoholism’ that’ll likely shut anyone nosy up though!

We were out recently in a group of 12, mixed genders and ages, and most people ordered soft drinks, maybe 2-3 had alcohol as they had lifts lined up. Non-drinking while out amongst non-religious British people has certainly become more normalised.

Keep it simple. I just say "I don't drink at all anymore. Used to when I was younger but I can't handle it like I used to, so don't bother any more". People tend to just say "ooh I know!" and start off about how much worse their hangovers are these days.

But if your friends already know you don’t drink and they don’t care anyway, why is this a new problem?

This really struck a chord - well said!

I am the same - sober now - I still enjoy going to the pub with friends for a while but there does come a point when it, and they, start to get boring if lots of drink is involved. So at that point I just go home. No big deal!

You do not need to explain why you're not drinking.

No one will care that you're not drinking so don't worry about that

Don't bang on about it though that's the annoying part or talk negatively about people drinking too much