How to make amends after dreadful argument

[hapusrwydd]

My partner and I had a dreadful argument a few weeks ago and I said some unforgivable things.

I have a terrible temper and do fly off the handle and let rip when I get really upset.

We have split up and he won't talk to me because of what I said, blocked me on social media, told me to go away when I turned up at his to speak.

I really don't know what to do. I know the relationship is over, but I do still love him, and it's killing me to realise how deeply I've hurt him. I want him to know that the relationship meant so much to me, that there was way more good than the bad, and that I am thankful for the love we had. I don't want him to think I think only the things I said in the argument.

Can anyone give me any advice on how I can try and right the wrong?

Leave him alone and get on with your life.

Anger management course?

You need to get to the root of your issue or you’ll hurt people you care about again.

Partner of how long and have you kids or anything together?

Words have consequences. He’s made his feelings clear, respect that and leave him alone. If you want something good to come of this work on yourself and stop blaming being hurtful and unkind on “a bad temper”.

This, I have a terrible temper and do fly off the handle and let rip when I get really upset.
Do you acknowledge this is unacceptable behaviour and not just a 'this is what am like' and should be brushed over?

Leave him alone. You sound terrifying, tbh. Get yourself some anger management and learn from this.

You have been shown an uncomfortable home truth here...

1. You ruin things in temper and need to look at that - habit, example you have learned, you think you can carry on through life like that, do you do it at work? You have ruined this and he is going to need brain bleach to forget the things you said. Not worth it, too difficult, he will do better to move on from you.

2. He has decided to move on and you are trying to get him back, not respecting what he has said - is that normal to you, did you learn it, do you think you deserve to do what you want and get what you want in everything - etc etc.

I think this is a lesson you would do well to learn. You will learn it one day, how much will you lose before you get it down?

The best thing you can do to right the wrong is get help for your temper & try to change your behaviour.

I had a friend who repeatedly talked to & treated me like shit when alcohol was involved. After many years of second/third/thousandth chances I got fed up and left her to it. Not interested.

Several years later she asked to meet - she had been sober 3 months & wanted to apologise for her past behaviour. It was incredibly touching & meaningful - she'd actually learned a lesson, taken responsibility & done the work.

You have been abusive and he doesn't want to suffer any more abuse.

You should leave him alone but if you really must contact him then send him a short handwritten letter or card where you apologise sincerely Dow your behaviour and wish him well.

Do not ask to get back with him or offer excuses as to why you were abusive or mention that you're going to seek help. Just a straightforward apology and admission if you're being abusive towards him.

Going forward, seek counselling for your issues so that you don't abuse anyone else or sabotage any future relationships.

We have split up and he won't talk to me because of what I said, blocked me on social media, told me to go away when I turned up at his to speak.

He has made it clear to you. I do not think he cares what you now think, or has any interest in your opinion or apologies. You can't repair this and you need to leave him entirely alone.

Otherwise he'd be within his rights to report you to the police for harassment.

Your whole post is all about you and what you want.

Agree, there's another thread like this ongoing and it's full of 'poor you' 'oh am sure he's just as bad' 'oh don't be so hard on yourself'.!!

Leave him alone.

Get anger management therapy.

Learn your trigger points so you can avoid them.

If he’s blocked you, you need to walk away from it.

I think the essence of 'saying unforgiveable things' is that they are exactly what they say they are: not words or phrases that a person can forgive.

We can all lose our tempers at times, but surely if you love someone there's a line past which you do not go?

I think the only thing you could do is write him a note and put it in the post.

Agree with this. What's said is said, and you can't make amends or take it back. Mostly people say what they really think in anger anyway - it's just that when they're calm they can prevent the words flying out. Think about how you would have liked to handle the situation in an ideal world, and try to work on strategies that will help you do that in your next relationship. It is not all you - if you were that angry he also must also have done or said somthing very hurtful.

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the hard truths.