Partner wants me to apologise -

[looneyprincess]

I posted Monday so I won't repeat myself totally
I have longstanding anxiety /depressjon
I started a job after having a breakdown /anxiety/couldn't go outside.
Anyway returned to a full time job Monday.
After a job I quit ,I couldn't leave the house Tuesday.
The job itself I was on 8 hour shifts ,no break ,wasn't allowed toilet.
Finishing 11pm back at 7am
Rotas the day before -basically I couldn't handle all of it.
I get uc with LCWRA so still have money coming in.

I have decided to look for something 25-30 hours ,with fixed hours/days
So I know how my week will look

Last night my partner (who I live with ) said I have no morals and he wouldn't quit (even tho he has quit a job ,but that was okay )
He said that he pays an amount towards the bills and won't be paying more.
So tough if I'm short one month.
He was quite nasty to me
Went to bad he said goodnight and that was it-no kiss.

He woke up today and said "are you going to apologise"
I said "what for ? You said hurtful things to me"
He replied "no I didn't,it's not my fault you blow everything out of proportion ,if you had of said sorry I would of let it drop "

Should I of said sorry ?

No, but you do need to end it if this is your relationship

No, absolutely not.

I wouldn't take a role where I wasn't allowed to go to the loo either. Is that even legal? And he was hardly supportive, was he!

I get that living with someone with chronic anxiety isn't easy, but you have nothing to apologise for. You made a rational decision, and you have a plan moving forward. Don't let him undermine you.

Good luck.

For what should you apologise? What does he mean “if you go short”? If it’s for household stuff then pay what you can afford and he must live with the consequences of the difference. And of having to eat extra potatoes to fill him up. More veg will do him good anyway: look up wartime recipes on the internet.

It’s not legal to have shifts of 8 hours without a break, though that’s besides the point. The point is that your partner is a penis and you’d be well rid of him.

Just looked at your other thread re your job OP and everything about it seemed totally unsuitable, especially given your anxiety and depression and having had a breakdown. The working conditions would be very challenging for anyone let alone someone just returning to work after ill health.

I don't blame you for realising you couldn't cope with it and quitting. As you say, look for something less stressful and less hours.

I think your partner was very unsympathetic and should have been more supportive of you. He should have been condemning of the employer who imposed such working conditions on people, not of you.

So no I don't think you should apologise.
Concentrate on nurturing your mental health and do what is best for that

I've applied for a couple of work from home positions and retail
I'm hoping I get one of those
I know it will nearly be Christmas temp jobs so that would be a chance to find something too.
Also the other job was lone working so I don't think I would like that either

As a couple, are you struggling financially? If he is having the financial responsibility solely on his shoulders perhaps he thinks you aren't taking your responsibility for your share? There are huge links between mental health and bad debt.

Sorry, you cannot go to toilet in an 8 hour shift? No break, so no water, even, in an 8 hour shift? What type of job is this?
I won't argue the legality of that, because I don't know, but I will ask how that could possibly work?
Either way, it's clearly not a job you wish to do, so quite right to leave.

@Timeforaglassofwine no he doesn't,after he contributes evenly to the bills he is left with over £1000 spare money a month
Only problem is he then gambles it so we struggle the rest of the month
As then I'm left buying all the food etc
He has told me loads of times he will stop but still does it
So I don't know how he has the audacity to talk about my morals

@gardenmusic you could have a drink at the reception desk but you couldn't leave the desk unmanned (and they only rota 1 receptionist on)
So you get no lunch or breaks so have to eat at the reception but only when nobody is around as you get in trouble for having a mouth full at the desk.

What on earth are you doing with him? This is madness. He’s horrible and gambles his money away. Tells you all you need to know. If you’re on LCWRA that’s quite hard to get (I get it too) so you don’t have to look for work, so it’s amazing that you are, don’t pay any attention to him and make plans to be on your own.

He has told me loads of times he will stop but still does it
So I don't know how he has the audacity to talk about my morals

He's an arch manipulator, puts the blame on you, manipulates you into paying more than your share.
Do you need him in your life? Or want him? I mean the person he is, rather than how he 'could be'.
He sounds a right pain in the backside.

I don't understand what it is he wants an apology for, do you? If I were in your place and WANTED to apologise just to keep the peace, I genuinely wouldn't know what to say.

Personally, I'd probably talk with my husband before quitting a job, and vice versa - but we have years of intertwined finances including three children and a house and a bunch of investments together. It sounds like you and your partner have separate finances and each contribute to specific shared monthly bills. Why is he even assuming you don't plan to pay your part?

And then ... he's not even paying HIS part. And your quitting a job means you must be lectured like a naughty child, but not vice versa. I know what you've written here centres on the argument and finances and doesn't necessarily portray the whole relationship and any good points he may have, but it sounds like there's a double standard going on and in the examples you've given it never favours you. The point about being immoral sounds like it's about something completely unrelated to this issue and he's just thrown it in, as it makes no sense.

Also, he comes across as rude and disrespectful and not at all supportive. He went out of his way to make you feel worse when you'd been having an absolutely awful time. Do you support him when he's had a shite day or something hasn't gone his way or plans he's made have fallen through?

Should I of said sorry ?

Should you have said sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong so no you should not have apologised. He should have though. He's a bell end and he's useless please focus on getting out of this. I don't know what LCWRA is btw.

I honestly have no idea why he wants me to apologise
I'm not sure what I've done wrong at all
He text me saying "do you love me ?"
I don't know why he thinks I wouldn't love him
Is it too much to ask for a stable relationship where I don't have to keep proving I love him ?

Why would you love him?

All of this is about him trying to control you. It’s got nothing to do with love.

He’s probably sick of supporting the household while you don’t work. Unless he has mental health issues himself he won’t understand it. Although you mentioned his spare money that money is his and if he wants to spend it gambling he can you aren’t married and it sounds like he pays for his portion. The arguments would get to me so you need to decide what’s more important.

He has been very unsympathetic and is wrong for that, but I don't think it's often appreciated just how draining it can be to live with/regularly deal with someone who severely struggles with their mental health. I am not dismissing how difficult it is for the person struggling with their mental health either.

How long have you been out of work? What do you do when you aren't working? He might be feeling at the end of his tether with feeling that he is contributing unequally to the household. You started a job and quit after one day which might well be the best thing for you, but could be frustrating for him because it appears that you haven't given it a proper chance.

When he says he will only contribute a set amount and then it's "tough" if you go without, I don't read this as him trying to punish you. Possibly he feels that he has been enabling you by subsidising you, and is trying to motivate you.

I think practising the phrase... You are a cunt... Would be useful. And get rid of him. I bet your mh improves....

He doesn't support the household
We pay equal amounts for everything
If anything I spend more than him because he gambles then I buy food.

I had done volunteering with age uk as dial a driver as I wanted something to feel useful

This. Why would you love someone so manipulative?

You’re clearly struggling and he’s making it worse. It’s time to seriously consider being alone.

@looneyprincess is he saying he won't be paying equally anymore then?