1st of all... I couldn't resist the title!
Joke over!
I've been married 9 years, together 10. Had a whirlwind start to our relationship, we're friends 1st, fall in love, full on fast, engaged after 11 months, married after 18 months then first child pretty much straight after, then another 3 years later.
Anyway my hubby is a kind hearted person, he's hard working and he's a great dad BUT over the years we've been together my mental health, self esteem, anxiety have slowly been getting worse, I'm on medication for my anxiety now and I have had several rounds of therapy over the years and in the last couple of years I've realised that whilst I love my husband very much, we aren't good for each other. He has OCD and I also think hes on the spectrum. He is very picky about things I do, but turns it into a joke, he takes over doing most things in the house etc and I feel like I've been worn down and now I have a binge eating disorder, have put on about 4 stone in 4 years, have no self esteem, don't wanna do anything for fear of it being wrong or just because I feel fat and lazy.
We have 2 beautiful children but I just feel a shell of myself and deeply depressed and completely lost. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I can't hide when things bother me but my husband is the TOTAL opposite. He doesn't talk about his feelings unless I sit him down for one of our many talks about how unhappy I am and then he opens up and talks and then I retreat because I feel happy he's talked and I feel bad for being the way I am. But honestly I don't like who I am anymore and I want to get back to me but I just don't know if I can anymore with my husband. The stresses of an 8 and 5 year old doesn't help either of us but I don't think we work together with discipling the kids and honestly I think I am a better and happier parent and person when he's not around.
I did leave on 1st July but he talked me back saying he loves me, needs my help and didn't want to upset his dad cuz he'll blame himself. I feel annoyed now because I feel I was tricked back as his dad has nothing to do with our relationship and also he hasn't done anything to help himself so I feel hurt and let down. When I ask him about therapy etc he says he doesn't know if he wants that as he doesn't always think it's the answer and he is trying other things himself... I've noticed he is trying with some situations but honestly I just think things are the same as always. He doesn't show much love and affection I don't think, only when he wants sex he's suddenly all over me but he always say no that's not true I'm always loving but I don't think he is. I feel like I'm going crazy!!
I just wanna end this by saying sorry for the long rant!!! And also that my husband is not a bad guy, as I said at the start he's a good guy with a good heart but he's changed a lot over the years as we both have and I just don't think we are compatible anymore. Is it possible to love someone but feel like it's just not right? My mum is 60 and her and my dad are now getting divorced because they realised they have nothing without their kids now. I don't want this to be me! I'm only 35 I'd rather move on now!
Any advice greatly appreciated xx