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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I just oversensitive or is this man extremely cruel?

9 replies

TooMuchToDoTodayx · 21/08/2024 16:07

My ex reappeared this year and proceeded to ask to see me, saying he really needed to see me, that he had something to tell me and he missed me a lot.

We’be had an on/off situation since we split up in 2021, but I cut him off entirely last year and was seriously dating someone else.

He started emailing me in February this year begging to see me, saying his previous relationships with anyone apart from had failed because they weren’t me. He said his ex girlfriend had broken up with him because he was “obsessed” with me. I stood strong for over a month, declining invites, saying it’s best we left it in the past. But he tried every day and eventually I relented.

When he saw me he said he was sure I was “the one”, that he saw us being together and getting married one day. I said I wasn’t sure and needed time to think. He text me frequently and would get upset if I didn’t want to see him. he organised dates etc. and eventually I said okay let’s give it another go.

all was fine for a week or two and then he just went cold. Just not interested anymore. Fair enough, we’d been here before when we broke up the first time. I sent him a message saying

“I just wondering whether anything’s wrong we you’re very quiet and it seems like we’ve been here before”

he replied “I get it. Yeah sorry I’m not ready for a serious relationship , just need a bit more time to think. I just want to say you’re being so understanding and I appreciate that so much! By the way I have been dating other people when I’ve been seeing you. Just to be honest”

The last line was a knife to the stomach. We’ve been having sex for a few months, he’s re-introduced me back to his family and friends, cleared out a drawer for ne at his house, saw me every weekend, was talking about travelling with me for the next year or so… what the fuck?

I just feel it’s one thing to end something with someone, but to treat someone you’ve had a long relationship history with like a piece of shit and that he’s been lying about dating others?! It just feels like he wanted to upset me.

i text him back saying "its not about you having time to think. its over. i was also sleeping with my ex the first few weeks you kept begging to see me. Just to be honest"

feel like shit and i responded stupidly. ive blocked him everywhere, deleted all message history and deleted his contact.

im so stupid

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 21/08/2024 16:10

You’ve done just the right thing - well done. Your only mistake was to take him back, but you’ve solved that blip now. Onwards and upwards!

heartbroken22 · 21/08/2024 16:13

Good and don't respond to him ever again.

Some men can do all this drama for the sake of it especially if they've been burnt by someone else. It's just a way to get over someone else. Sorry to say that. Never trust a man who comes out the blue to say these things. Something is always fishy.

That text from you was great btw. Never again though.

Over40Overdating · 21/08/2024 16:15

@TooMuchToDoTodayx well done you! What an absolute arse hole of a man.

It will sting for a bit but you’ve chopped him out of your life forever now and will never have to deal with his bullshit again!

Thgyt · 21/08/2024 16:16

He was bored.

He wanted the thrill of the chase and the conquest.

He got it.
Lost interest.

It was never about you, just his ego.

Don't ever speak to him again.

Men like this never change.

LadyKenya · 21/08/2024 16:18

I think that you wasted too many words on him.

millennialprobs · 21/08/2024 16:19

Horrible experience!! It seems like he just wanted to see if he could get you back if he wanted! Horrible sod!
Never unblock him again and move on with your life, he's a lowlife scumbag and you're so much better without!

blacksax · 21/08/2024 16:27

LadyKenya · 21/08/2024 16:18

I think that you wasted too many words on him.

So do I. Two would have done the trick, the second being 'off'.

Baleful · 21/08/2024 16:35

Reread your post, OP. Nowhere is it about your feelings, or you prioritising yourself. What you describe is letting yourself be nagged into reviving a past relationship, and then being ditched again. In future, centre yourself. Don’t let yourself to browbeaten into something you don’t actually want.

TooMuchToDoTodayx · 21/08/2024 16:53

Baleful · 21/08/2024 16:35

Reread your post, OP. Nowhere is it about your feelings, or you prioritising yourself. What you describe is letting yourself be nagged into reviving a past relationship, and then being ditched again. In future, centre yourself. Don’t let yourself to browbeaten into something you don’t actually want.

Yeah… I think this is why I think I’m so sad about it!

OP posts:
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