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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regretting break up

10 replies

Cobess · 21/08/2024 14:01

This is a bit of a weird one. So me and my ex were together 9 years and welcomed our DS (first child) a year ago. 8 weeks in I think in hindsight I had PPD but didn't realise it at the time. I became very picky with everything DP did and made him feel awful. I think at the time I just needed support but he retaliated and told me I'm acting bipolar etc, that's where it all began. We made it to April 2024 and then we called it a day after months of arguing over the most stupid things, we almost just got used to arguing and did it over anything. He bought me out of the mortgage and I've now purchased a new house which I'm due to move in to on Tuesday next week. We're both feeling a lot of regret and have basically owned up to our parts we've played in this. He said he wish he'd supported me more and I apologised for making him feel like a lesser parent in the beginning and trying to take over constantly, because he's great with the baby now especially as hes getting older they have such a great bond. We both said if we had felt this way a few months ago we wouldn't have taken things to the extent and we would have kept working at the relationship. I'm now due to move on Tuesday and I haven't stopped crying. Do we just feel this way because things are getting real now or do we truly regret it and realise what we had? It's so confusing. I feel like we have to accept that we took it this far because my name is officially off the house and I used the money for the deposit for my new house, and see how we do with co parenting etc. Not sure on the point of this post but I feel like we've just woken up from a bad nightmare and all the feelings are still there and we just jumped the gun during a really shitty few months which so many new parents go through. If we realise when properly apart that we still have feelings, how do we even navigate that now we both separately own houses etc? It's boggled my mind all this.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/08/2024 16:28

Don't let the housing situation decide if you're right for each other.
Go to couples counselling.
If you both want each other back and you're both willing to see you had a part to play in the break up and you're both willing to make changes that is hugely promising.
Separate houses will make that easier as you can pace things and know if you are spending time together it's a choice.
This is potentially lovely

Cobess · 21/08/2024 20:07

You're right, I need to put a positive spin on this to get through it I think, this has made me look at it differently for sure. Thank you so much!

OP posts:
B1rd · 21/08/2024 20:19

I suggest moving into your new house. There's no reason why you can't date again. I think the previous poster was sensible in advising counselling, unless you feel that you can be open and honest with each other and talk about every issue that you've experienced.

There may be a chance that you can make a relationship work and I hope you do. But if it doesn't, for whatever reason, you are now an independent woman and you have a safe place to return to. If it does work out, you can sell the new house....but don't rush into a decision until you are absolutely sure.

Ceebs85 · 21/08/2024 20:27

I agree with the other posters. This is a lovely opportunity to start again without the stress of living together.

It's messy yes, but you've both grown and it's just money ultimately

Tippeetwo · 21/08/2024 20:42

It is possible that feelings have been heightened due to the proximity of the move so you need to be wary and go slowly.

Honest00lad · 21/08/2024 21:20

Housing and money cannot be a barrier here.
You need to give love a chance. For you, for him, and your DS. Good luck!

Cobess · 29/01/2026 21:24

Update! I just found this thread while nosing at my old posts and wanted to say thank you for the lovely comments - was so nice reading them back. Me and my partner did get back together and I sold the house I bought and I'm back in our family home. It was a massive palava but we're doing amazing and our DS is now 2 and a half. Even through terrible twos and a pending autism assessment for our son, turns out we can handle the stresses of daily life when we're not massively sleep deprived 😂

OP posts:
TenLittleToes · 29/01/2026 22:18

Yay!

ResultsMayVary · 29/01/2026 22:24

Such a lovely outcome!

SkaneTos · 29/01/2026 22:29

Thank you for the update, OP!
So good to read that you and your partner are back together, and that you are happy.
I wish you and your family all the best!

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