Non-Molestation Order

[Jade09]

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant, I left my partner (with whom I share a 4 year old) after a very tumultuous and toxic relationship. Things have always been rocky with lots of trust issues and jealousy on both sides... This pregnancy has really changed my view of things and I've realised that sometimes being from a 'broken home' is better than living with a 'broken family'.

I left at the beginning of August and it has been difficult, after realising I was not returning.. he's been abusive, tried to shame and humiliate me, claimed the baby is not his and messaged people from my past. Previously he emailed my workplace (I am a teacher) and told them that I am a drug addict.. which is not true and was not followed up due to them being aware of who I am professionally and personally.
I decided to change my phone number and let my mum facilitate contact... he somehow got my new phone number and continued to abuse me. I have obviously blocked this to which his response was to send all of the messages he would have sent to me, to my mums phone number.

She blocked him via whatsapp but is obviously the point of contact for our son which makes it difficult, she is trying to remain impartial.

I have applied for a non-molestation order and the hearing for this is next week. I'm terrified... can anyone share their experiences and how difficult it is going to be? I am so worried that it won't be successful due to the fact the threat is not physical (there's only one incident that was physical months ago). I don't think I can cope with the mental torture any longer and it really is ruining my pregnancy.

Note: I am NOT wanting to stop him seeing either children, he is an excellent father just not a very nice person towards me.

Any help/ reassurance welcome! Thanks for reading.

Hi @Jade09 . I'm so sorry you're going through this, your ex sounds like a piece of work!
Do you have legal representation? If so they should be able to reassure you, but the court should be able to make adjustments if you are scared. Is the application with or without notice,.i.e. does your ex know about it? I applied for one but he ended up with a restraining order off a criminal conviction so I didn't need it in the end.

Did you report any of the harassment to the police? May be worth doing so if you don't get the order as they may be able to make him stop or escalate if needed.

Hope it goes well, just be honest about the impact of his behaviour on you-he doesn't have the right to abuse you in this way.

Thankyou for responding!

It's with notice as the isolated incident of physical violence was back in November, I feel like such an idiot for bringing another life into this honestly.. it has always been a very toxic situation and we should never have been together to start with.. but what is happening recently feels more like a trial by fire honestly.

His vile accusations could very well have lost me my career.. in turn impacting on his children. Previously it has just been name calling/ arguments/ vile words... it is getting more serious each time and I cant go on like this.

I do not have legal representation unfortunately! I figured that if I was applying for residency or that my children were at risk I would have pursued this but at this point my aim is just to be left alone. I am exhausted and really struggling with already feeling low due to hormones.

It has really opened my eyes to what I should and should not tolerate.

I’m a family lawyer and I have done the Bar - you’re welcome to PM me if you want some advice re: the hearing / legal side x

You are amazing thankyou!! That is so kind. I will send you a PM once I get home from work (currently signing up new students!)

I appreciate this 😊

Why do people always say that these shitty men are excellent fathers? Excellent fathers don't abuse their children's mother. By definition, any abusive man is a crap father.

No problem, and don’t panic, they are relatively straightforward and not complicated procedurally.

speak later on :)

OP there is no need for contact until child born so I'd get your mum to block him, get a new email just for that, give it to him and check it once every week or two.

I have to say I agree with this. I have spent the last few weeks wondering why any man would want to make the human being carrying their daughter.. feel like absolute shit- but I suppose some people are just shit.

Let me rephrase... he looks after his child.. he has a good relationship with him and does not make me fear for my sons safety. By definition really he's just what a dad should be.

She can't... we have a 4 year old already together who he has regular contact with. I am refusing to discuss anything about the baby until she is here and I have refused to let him attend appointments etc. regarding the new baby. I feel absolutely awful but he has denied paternity and I am fed up of 'letting things slide' to keep peace.

I have recently gone through the non-molestation process and will happily answer any questions.

My 22 year relationship with my ex consisted of coercive control. After splitting he stalked me, (following me, turning up at my house, questioning our 4 children about me, had me followed by other people, tried to get my kids to put trackers on my phone) could go on police wanted to charge him but I couldn’t got through with it, but I did get a non molestiaion order. I felt awful going to court, I was so nervous, but it was straight forward. Had to agree to some things I was unsure of, like where ex was allowed, but it has worked out. Ex is only allowed to contact me via watts app now to ask about the children, he cannot discuss me with anyone at all. He has broken the terms and I contacted to police who warned him about his behaviour the next day.
As I say if u want to ask anything am here.