Cheating and love

[DadDad90]

To ask do you think when you cheat on someone does it make you think you don’t love that person when you really do or is it because of the immense guilt I feel that’s why I feel like don’t love her anymore.

I cheated on my partner of just over 11 years with a work colleague. Not condoning it but it was one time and I was very drunk. As soon as it happened I regretted it. There are no feelings for my work colleague at all. I told my partner the next day after it happened.
ive been unhappy for a while, partner putting me down at time and feeling unloved at points. I’m in no way saying this is justified and some days I was happy and felt like the luckiest man alive. I know I should have spoken to my partner and we maybe could have worked through this.
we have a 4 years old DD and a 5 month old DS.
before this I used to tell her everyday how much I loved her and how beautiful and lucky I was to have her.
since this I feel nothing but guilt when I look at her and I am now starting to question my feelings for her.
i have been open and honest and she has now ended it. I felt numb, she’s been brilliant allowing me to still see the children everyday even though she’s hurting. It’s been 2 months and I still feel the same like I don’t love her, I fancy her and always will. I just feel so much guilt for what I’ve done to her. When I look at her I just feel guilty. Is this guilt consuming my feelings.

What is your question? You're troubled by feeling guilty and want to stop feeling guilty?

It's appropriate that you feel guilty. You feel guilty because you cheated. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner, and it's even worse when your partner is busy caring for young children while you're out doing it. Nobody here can take your guilt away because it belongs to you. It's now your job to do something useful with it.

It's actually so very easy not to cheat, but you decided to do it. Now you're paying the price. It feels terrible because it is terrible. Whatever you're feeling, multiply that by 1,000 and that's what your ex wife is feeling.

How to deal with guilt - accept responsibility, make whatever amends you can. I suggest: pay child support; do 50% of parenting; apologise unreservedly and repeatedly (effective apologies don't contain the word "but"), most of all try to find some compassion for the woman whose world you've exploded, rather than wallowing in guilt.

Well I think @manova366 nailed that tbh. It's appropriate you feel guilty. You should; you've done a vile thing to someone. Deal with it and never do it again.

You already posted this thread. Why have you made another one?

You’ve already posted and had loads of replies. Why start another one?

You don't cheat on someone you love. Feel guilty for cheating. Be glad she had the courage to end it because you don't love her.