I feel so weak.
I'm having a really bad day today. And actually the last few months (or years). My friend since I was in primary school very recently died by suicide and their funeral is coming up, one of several friends who have over the years. I didn't get a job I wanted (no criticism from them, I was second choice but the first choice just had a bit more relevant experience). The job market is rubbish in my sector right now - it always is in the holidays. The reason I left my last job was a massive mental breakdown, not helped by husband's attitude towards me.
I told my H that I was really sad and why. His answer was maybe if I stopped drinking I'd be happier (I'm sure I would but he's sat there with one of the 8 cans he just bought in his hand giving me this 'advice'). And that he barely registers when his friends die now as there have been so many. Then to criticise me repeatedly for not having a job. He has been financially supported by me for the entire relationship, never worked full time.
I've been offered a place in a women's refuge due to his abuse (it's not just emotional but I don't want to get into details). Also several friends have offered rooms. Nobody likes him or thinks he's good enough for me.
Why do I struggle with leaving?? Wtf is wrong with me. I'm diagnosed with BPD which comes with dependency issues in relationships but FFS I'm an adult professional woman and should be able to extricate myself from this.
If you've already read my situation previously under another username please don't bring that up or have a go at me. I'm so upset today and have a huge bruise across my face and elsewhere so I could really do with just some support.