No one has asked if I’m ok, am I asking too much?

[Happyfarm]

My daughter has gone to her father’s for 2 weeks. She has FaceTimed me a few times upset that she misses her mum and it makes me sad. It’s the longest we’ve ever been apart and she is 8. Her farther was abusive and was denied contact for years, then he was slowly given more contact after attending courses. Anyway, no one in my family (apart from my mum as they are close) or my husbands family have asked me if I’m ok or even mentioned her being away to me.

Am I over thinking this because it’s made me a little sad that no one has said anything to me. I do tend to overthink but if it was someone in my family I’d definitely drop a text to say thinking of you or something.

Given the difficult history I would hope those close to you would ask if you are ok. I am sorry they haven't

Thank you. That’s what I thought and it’s made me sad. I’m starting to wonder now whether they care at all really.

They might feel awkward bringing it up first if you haven't. Maybe trying not to make you upset.

Kindly, you are overthinking. People are busy, I'd expect check in from my mum but not the dad's family or particularly friends. I'd call them if I was feeling shitty.

I don’t think I would ask a friend of relative if they were okay in this situation, unless they’d been the one to raise the subject. It implies that I think they shouldn’t be okay, or that they should be worrying - which is exactly what would make me feel not okay or worried, if somebody did it to me. Why not try reaching out and telling people that you’re feeling a little sad and anxious and could do with a jollying up?

Also it sounds as though this is a longer period of contact which has been built up gradually over time - it hasn’t gone from zero to two weeks overnight. Perhaps they simply haven’t realised that it’s such a big deal for you.

I'm not sure I'd think to make a special effort to ask if someone was ok in this situation, as I'd probably just assume they were unless they told me otherwise.

Have you told them otherwise?

I'm just popping in to say , I hope you are OK. You must be missing her so very much . Thinking of you

I don’t think I’d get in touch to ask how you are doing, probably because it’s not that uncommon for children to be away with non-resident parents in the summer. So I don’t think I’d have it on my radar as something to be worried about.

I might mention “is DD enjoying her holiday with her father?” But if I knew the split was acrimonious, that might be insensitive.

Reach out to people yourself. They will care if you let them know you’re struggling.

I would not think of asking someone if they were ok because their child being with the other parent.
I may ask them if they are missing her.
But at least I knew that you did not want her to go, it would not cross my mind. It is so frequent for children to spend the holidays with one parent.
Are you ok, OP?

It may be frequent to many but I am the only one in my family and extended family so it’s not common for us. Perhaps I’m just a sensitive person but I would drop a text. He has had her every other weekend so far. My in- laws are very involved with my partners brothers family but they aren’t really with us which is sad.

To those who asked, thank you. It’s been difficult having her ring me and getting upset, especially as she has been a bit unwell. I’ve got lots of bits done. It not all negative but it really would be nice for family just to acknowledge or even say I bet you’ve got lots done etc.