Stick or Twist?

[TheHistorian]

Interested to know what other people would make of this?

Newish friends of around three years. Met her at a hobby group, get on well. Her partner has a hobby that my partner shares. Got together as a foursome a couple of times. Everyone got on very well. They have a lot in common.

Invited them to a big annual event related to partner's hobby about six months ago. Sent them a link to buy their tickets. Much talk about them booking a hotel after as it's not local. No reason to think they hadn't booked tickets.

Haven't seen or spoken to friend for a couple of months due to a big trip away for us, holiday for them and various incidents that kept me or her away from our regular weekly meetup for hobby but have shared texts.

Text friend today to ask about arrangements for Saturday ie meet there or go in convoy. Came back and said they're not going because it wasn't in her calendar and she's babysitting for her child. No apology. Asked if she had bought tickets. Thinks they might have, not sure.

I'm a bit flabbergasted to be honest. Wondering if she was planning to tell me. Thank goodness we didn't get tickets for them as they're not cheap.

Would you continue to pursue a friendship after this?

Forgot to mention partners have exchanged texts about the event since it was 'booked'.

I would continue the friendship as this has only happened once in three years. It seems as though they forgot about it. However I wouldn't rely on them again.

Did they actually explicitly confirm they'd booked tickets or did you just assume?

Very very common to talk enthusiastically about hypothetically going to a future event and then actually buying the tickets slips your mind, or you realise it doesn't fit in with your existing plans too well. I've been in both your place and your friend's. These days if I'm invested in friends coming an event I'm going to I remind them to get tickets and don't rest until they've confirmed!

It's not a reflection on the friendship though. It's just life.

They definitely gave us the impression they had booked and followed up with suggestions for hotels. It's a big event in her partner's hobby so I find it unlikely he forgot. He's talked to my partner about it since.

It's the flat way it was presented to me when I contacted her, like it didn't matter that's making me question things.

I realised the other day that I'd completely forgotten to go to a play I'd booked tickets for a couple of months ago. Wasted about £150 in all, and it was something I was really keen on seeing as well.

It's really not that difficult to forget an event is happening if you've forgotten to add it to your calendar. And in your case @TheHistorian its sounds like it was entirely hypothetical anyway, you'd invited them but no firm plans had been made.

Seems like ending a friendship over it would be a massive overreaction!

Wouldn't end the friendship as were part of a hobby group but back off from any further invites.

I suppose I'm in the reliable camp when I arrange things. This has blindsided me a bit.

It's the flat way it was presented to me when I contacted her, like it didn't matter that's making me question things.

Does it matter though? I get the impression from your posts that you were planning on going anyway, with or without them? So it's not like they've left you in the lurch.

If it were just you and your friend going somewhere, you'd booked tickets and then they dropped out at the last minute, leaving you to either go alone or lose out financially, I'd get where you're coming from. But this just seems like a loosely arranged plan with no confirmation, and that they didn't realise you were counting on them.

It wasn't loosely arranged though. They were invited, accepted, link sent for tickets and discussions about it since including whether he was going to exhibit. No reason to think they wouldn't be going.

Grateful we didn't get their tickets for them or we would have a problem. Have checked with my partner and he was under the same impression.

Just looked at old texts and it was definitely confirmed by her partner to mine that he had booked the tickets!

Who knows what's going on but won't make any further arrangements with them 😕

Sounds like he's going but she's not because she couldn't get childcare.

Maybe the flatness was because she's pissed off about that.

..I'd probably have a bit more of a conversation about it with her before going in a mawk and binning them off as unreliable.

She's providing childcare for someone else. I'd prefer not to get caught up in other people's stuff. Life's too short. Could have invited someone else and it's been in the diary (ours anyway) a long time. Keep them as acquaintances going forward.