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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aromantic

4 replies

LuLu345678 · 20/08/2024 15:13

I think I may be aromantic - for anyone who doesn’t know, this is an orientation, where the person does not have a desire for romantic relationships. Similar to asexual but the aromantic still can experience sexual interest /crushes, but just little to no interest in relationships. Sometimes they also don’t have sexual interest. Like most things it’s a spectrum.
I have never really been into relationships, growing up I didn’t get crushes like my friends. I just thought I was a late bloomer. I’m now in my thirties and have had one long term relationship and a few 3 month situationships.
the issue is I’ve never really been that keen on these guys. The man I was in a relationship with I did eventually grow to love but we didn’t have a typical relationship, in that we only ever saw each other once a week and that was enough for me. I really really value my independence and love spending time on my own/having my own space.
I’ve always felt like I was sort of forcing myself to like people and progress things. As you can imagine this has led to a couple of unhappy situations as I was ignoring red flags to force it.
I’m really struggling at the moment due to societal pressure to couple up, get married and have kids, given my age. I feel like this is something I can’t ignore anymore. I am so worried about judgment and people not believing or understanding me. I think I am even judging myself. All I get is pity from people for being single. Most of my friends and colleagues seem obsessed with men whether it be their husband or people they’re dating. I just don’t get it and they clearly don’t get me. I have recently discovered aromantic orientation and feel it may fit.
does anyone have any experience of this either themselves or a friend/family member?

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 20/08/2024 16:13

You may get more answers from posting in this forum OP

https://www.asexuality.org/

Genevieva · 20/08/2024 16:31

No experience at all. My sage advice is to stop trying to pigeonhole yourself. It’s extremely introspective. Instead, focus on what you love doing. Get out there and live the life you want to live. I can tell you honestly that no one (with the possible exception of your parents) cares what your sexual orientation is and whether you are dating, married or single. You don’t have to conform. There have always been people who haven’t. Many of them live far more interesting and adventurous lives. So, stop navel gazing and focus on being in the world.

Okigen · 20/08/2024 18:56

From your post I think you have two different issues: 1) your orientation and 2) social pressure to couple up. It sounds to me the latter is really the more important one. Imagine if noone brings up the fact that you are still single, and most of your other friends are also single, would you still want to find out whether you are aromatic, or will you be single without care? I think it's important to recognise that we are who we are and we don't need to follow the same path as everyone else. I know many women who stay single their whole life and live very happily.

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