What is with a married man who messages a younger woman?

[BiscuitTeaDrinker]

So I am in my twenties and I have a male acquaintance/‘friend’ who I know. I am in a relationship, he is married and over 40.

He wanted to talk on Snapchat, my partner new this, and at times got was inappropriate, trying to steer conversation towards sexual things but I didn’t really see it before - like if I said I’d been at the beach, asking if I’d been wearing a bikini (which I ignored). He did talk to me in ways not like this too, and I liked talking to him, as he was kind and supportive, but maybe too much. He would discuss with me interesting things, and say he wanted to ‘work me out’. He is married but would talk to me late into the night.
He did want to know what I wore to bed, at one point calling it ‘sexy’ nightwear, he acted presumptuously like I would send him a photo of this.
I have deleted Snapchat, and my partner knows.
What I want to know is why would a man act this way? Did he just want to feel better about himself? Was he manipulating me?

Erm, because he is a creep who is using you for a validation boost and potentially to get sex?

He was trying to get sex/sex chat/nudes. It is a tale as old as time.

Just a sad creep getting off on fantasising about you. 😱 You did the right thing block him & move on.

I had the same some (many) years ago. He was 15-20 years older than me and said the exact same sorts of things to me. In the end he stopped. I asked if his wife knew he was sending me those kind of messages. I also said if I don't think your wife would like that every time he said something weird. He tried to laugh it off but then started to panic. I just left his messages on read all the time.

Because there are stupid women who fall for it and continue to engage

Do his wife a big favour and pass on these messages to her.

This guy is a creep and she deserves to know about this so she can get rid of that loser...

Because you're young and he wants an ego boost, and he's a pathetic sleazy little worm and any woman his own age would've seen him coming a mile off and blocked him the minute he mentioned her bikini.

He was after a shag, simple as that.

What I want to know is why would a man act this way? Did he just want to feel better about himself? Was he manipulating me?

Because he is getting a sexual kick out of the fact that a young woman is talking to him, he's possibly bored or unfulfilled in his sex life with his wife, and he hopes that you will eventually sleep with him.

It's obvious, no? Or do you not feel like that's the case?

He is not forcing you to respond you can think for yourself can't you?

why would a man act this way?

Thinking about you gives him erections, he masturbates and ejaculates.
The more interaction he has with you, the more stimulation and release he experiences.
Ultimately, he wants to use you (in person, physically) sexually.

You see him as 'twenty years older'. He sees you as 'fresh meat'.

Do you want it? It's not against the law. If you don't want it, close down any communication with him. And be aware, they're all at it. No matter how innocent they seem.

Bless, are you really that naive?

I’m not sure what I thought really. That’s the honest truth. Looking back it seems really clear but he phrased things in a very ‘plausible deniability’ way until it got overtly sexual.

How did he ask about what you wore to bed in a plausible deniability way? I'm very surprised your partner was OK with him asking you questions like this, equally surprised that you answered

I didn’t say I answered. I ignored it.

Ah OK but I thought he told you it was sexy so presumed you'd told him

No, that was all him imagining I guess

Don't overthink it OP, he's not your friend.

It really is as simple as this, OP.

I disagree with the last couple of sentences. They're not all doing it but a lot more than you might imagine are!

And the rest of it is spot on.

He's not your friend. He was using you as wank fodder.

If you're still in contact with him, delete him.

Don't ever give an older men the benefit of the doubt. I'm 50. When I was your age, mobile phones didn't exist but, it didn't stop older married men trying to form these friendships with me. Even now, I still get older married men dropping me messages on occasion but they're 60/70 rather than 40.

This whole situation will look very different to you in another 20 years and with another 20 years of life experience behind you.

But, unfortunately, some young women are flattered by the attentions of a much older man and will engage with it. These men know that and so they keep on trying and forming 'friendships' with young women until they find the ones who do.