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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

34 Weeks Pregnant thinking about splitting

4 replies

LilacOP · 20/08/2024 01:59

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy has been hard, it was unplanned have been seeing my partner for less than a year. At the start we both agreed to terminate but I changed my mind, initially partner was terrified of that decision but ultimately supported me and now talks constantly about how excited he is to meet baby and tells me I’ll be a great mum.
Thing is pregnancy has been super hard. I’ve been constantly sick, and exhausted and emotional. I work a retail job with my hours being cut down to 16-25 a week (often less recently due to sickness). Partner works four 12 hour shifts weekly as an engineer. He always has weekends off while my days could be anything each week. I feel he doesn’t take my tiredness or beinf emotional seriously especially on days that he has worked. It feels he believes his job is more important and it’s important for him to wind down when he comes home (he goes on video games sometimes alone sometimes w friends for hours at a time). I sometimes ask him to go downstairs to get me a drink or food or painkillers etc and every time he huffs and sighs and grunts. When I’m really unwell or crying a lot he’ll hold me and tell me he’s here for me and loves me, but I don’t feel this when he’s huffing and puffing because I asked him to go downstairs for a glass of water. He sleeps in late, and goes to sleep before me. He’s a bit lazy. The room can get quite messy and I feel I have to beg him to clean. I have really bad pelvic girdle pain so when I try to clean it doesn’t last long before I need to rest. He says he doesn’t mind but the huffing and puffing comes with it and when I beg he makes comments about me being lazy, he does it in a jokey way so if I say anything back I get the ‘I’m just joking!!’ I don’t feel loved or supported by him. Often times at night I cry myself to sleep (mostly hormonal) and I’ve noticed him pretend not to notice sometimes. Lastly it was recently my birthday and he didn’t get me anything despite being 30 weeks pregnant and extremely emotional. Am I being irrational by thinking about splitting or taking a break while I’m so heavily pregnant is it irresponsible to make such a serious decision this far in?

OP posts:
LilacOP · 20/08/2024 02:13

Would also like to add he willingly pays for quite a lot. That I don’t care for, I often go to tap my card and he beats me to it etc so that’s his own doing but I believe he thinks it’s a green flag or him supporting me, but he makes nearly three times as much as me and I’d be just as okay with having to pay for stuff myself. He doesn’t drive and expects lifts to work (he says he doesn’t expect it but gets a little snippy when I say no) at 6am. Lastly he has recently moved into my family home due to housing crisis and the unexpectedness of the pregnant we both live at home with our parents his house is being sold so to save money he has moved in here which makes it somewhat complicated to ask for a break because I won’t know how it can affect him after this.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/08/2024 02:18

Are your parents supportive of you having a baby? If so yes ask him to move out as I can tell you if he is lazy now it will only get so much more frustrating once the baby arrives and you are dealing with a man child who plays video games each night.

BaileyOC1982 · 20/08/2024 02:35

Believe me, when the baby arrives you will only become more frustrated, a lazy partner is going to put so much pressure on you whilst you navigate the adjustment of motherhood. However you do need to have an honest and straightforward conversation with him and let him know how you feel. When the baby arrives you need him to support you and that you expect there to be 50/50 responsibilities. Set the ground rules now and see how he steps up. As much as I would say don't stay with him I would also remind you that you will need a supportive partner when the baby arrives. Me and my partner weren't together that long before I got pregnant, I moved in with him and we've really had to navigate through the first 7 months of home chores/birth/baby/hormones/life changes. It's been a real toll on our relationship but we talk it out a lot and both know we are there for each other and our little boy. Good luck.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 20/08/2024 03:01

It couldn't be clearer that whatever happens with the relationship you should not be living together. There is no shame in living separately and being in a relationship even if you have a baby together. You barely know him really and are in the hardest period of your life. Send him to live somewhere else and see him when you're both free to spend quality time together. You'll soon see if he's the man for you.

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