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Relationships

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Bored?

10 replies

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 19/08/2024 23:17

Is it normal to get "bored" of the person you're married to?
Together 7 years, married 3.
Three kids (one together) - 4, 14, 17.
How do people stay married for years upon years?????

OP posts:
shuggles · 20/08/2024 01:49

Is this not just committment issues? I don't see why having one partner would be boring. Is it not a good thing to have the stability?

StarlightLady · 20/08/2024 07:04

I am likely to get shot down in flames for my thoughts on this but here goes.

It is probably better for society (bringing up children, personal finances, responsibilities etc) if people stay in 1:1 long permanent or, at least long term relationships. If you are lucky you get a sharing soul matte.

But many relationships become a habit and within constrictive boundaries. Long term monogamy is probably not a natural state of affairs. I am the most puzzled by people who say that they have only ever had sex with one person.

Entirecon · 27/08/2024 14:57

Depends on the reasons you find him boring and whether they can be remedied.

FastCaar · 27/08/2024 14:59

I don't think it's 'normal' to get bored of your spouse. People have lifelong best friends and they don't get bored of them, do they? I think having a spouse with you constantly day after day can get tiresome though.

Entirecon · 27/08/2024 15:06

@FastCaar Agreed. I think people who become bored are unfulfilled in some way. My DH is my favourite person, I hope have the maximum amount of time together.

80s · 27/08/2024 15:14

I am the most puzzled by people who say that they have only ever had sex with one person.
What would you do if the person you first had sex with was so great that you wanted to marry them? Many people would be put off by "Let's get married but first I'm going to go off and have sex with some other people / Let's get married but only if it's an open marriage".

80s · 27/08/2024 15:19

OP what symptoms does this boredom involve?
I think it's typical for the excitement of the first few years to turn into something else as time passes - ideally a deep-seated love. And it's not uncommon for people to be very passionate for a while, but then as they get to know each other better they realise maybe they're not really very compatible after all. And often people have periods when they don't really connect with their partner, e.g. as they are both knackered from childcare, or have personal problems.

EarthSight · 27/08/2024 15:30

There's not enough in your post to be able to advise better.

'Bored' is sometimes the word people use to express that they actually don't like their partner very much anymore. Maybe there's not enough stimulation or novelty to make sure that you're both still bonding other than parenting.

Also, some people are just bored with their life and project that dissatisfaction angrily on their partner.

Overbythewaterfountain · 27/08/2024 15:48

How much are you investing in your relationship? Are you investing in your relationship!? Is he?? What do you mean you've got bored of him (implying that you haven't always been bored of him?) - has he changed, have you changed or has life changed? Life with little kids can be quite boring!

DH and I have been married for 15 years and have three youngish primary age kids. None of our parents are local but both sets will happily babysit when we see them (monthly or so). So we go for lunch dates every few weeks, and to gigs a couple of times a year. That's about it for time as a couple out of the house at the moment!

But we eat dinner as a family every night, we tend to chat a lot then. We have a couple of TV programmes we watch together (and others we watch on our own). We do stuff as a family (National Trust type trips a lot) and as pairs/threes/one parent with all of the kids (I take our eldest swimming, he takes the youngest and middle to LEGO club etc.) and completely separately (socialising with different sets of friends, book club, running and so on).

We talk about my degree, or my husband's latest 10k PB, or what our friends are up to, or holiday plans, or the news, or DIY planning. I have learnt most of the rules of rugby and he watches more Strictly than he would if left to his own devices! I suppose we've each picked a couple of the other person's interests that we can get interested in (I do not follow F1 and he has absolutely no idea what's going on in Love Is Blind), but apparently having common interests is much less important than having common values anyway.

How would your life be less boring without your husband? Is the issue simply that he's a boring old fart who comes home from work and spends the rest of his time buried in his phone or fiddling with his bicycle? How much does he interact with you (and the kids)? Do you feel seen and heard and valued by him?

ProvincialLady2024 · 27/08/2024 15:51

I think that marriage and co-habitation are very difficult. We are all flawed and difficult to live with.

Of course boredom can set in, you can choose to work on it though.

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