Help - how do I ask for maintenance

[qponqueen]

How do I ask my Ex Husband to contribute financially to our youngest daughters upbringing?

Background
Divorced for just over a year ( separated 4, living apart for 2), he is now remarried, I have a partner, he stipulated when we discussed a financial settlement to 'not to come after him for maintenance'. I have been the main earner for the majority of the marriage and paid for all living expenses and he kept his salary. He is employed.

I have anxiety just thinking about asking and want to ask in the right way ( for me).

If I can afford not to need it, should I be asking?

Just to add for context that we have 3 children who all live with me, 2 are over 18, he see's them infrequently.

thank you
please be gentle

The clean break pertains to your marriage and divorce, not your kids.

Some people do CM informally. That isn’t working for you. Go to CMS.

Do not have the conversation with him first. Just go to CMS.

Did a lawyer tell you this?

Yes, when taking everything into account, pay, savings etc. I was still financially better off because of it. I don’t agree as it’s not like I get it for another 30 years but it is what it is.

Your (the two of you) language is so wrong and I think it's detrimental to you.
'Go after him for maintenance'
No. That's not what it's about. It's about him paying for his child in the same way any parent has to. You aren't 'going after him' for anything. He is simply paying for his joint child in the way that is the law.

Why do you think you owe him any kind of courteous message? It doesn't sound like he deserves it.

This is literally what CMS is for. A legal reduction from their salary as the law states they should financially provide for their child.

Even if you had an order specifically for child maintenance (it is not likely that CM was included in your clean break order as that is the financial ties you have between you as partners in the marriage, nothing to do with ongoing support for dc) you could apply for CMS one year and a day after the CO.

The two are separate. A very simple 'looking to the next academic year I'd like to formalise a financial agreement re dc3's expenses - the CMS calculator suggests £X amount and should be paid to my account xx-xx-xx please. If you would like to make an alternative suggestion please let me know, if not I'll make an application to the CMS and let all future correspondence re child maintenance go via them'.

No negotiation, simple.

Is he employed or self employed op?

Employed - as I understand it it comes straight out of their salary before they get it.

Self-employed - seems like he's the type to hide it.

It would depend which one he is before I decided if I would send a message out of courtesy or not, the one above is great.

Thank you- I’ve used your wording as a starter and sent the message.

Hey

I've decided to go through cms to set up s regular payment for (child). I think this will make things more straightforward for both of us and ensure that (child) gets consistent support.

Just wanted to give you a heads up.

Glad you've sent the message.

I think I can hear his pimply little pompous cunt of a head exploding from here

Sorry just seen you've already sent a message. Hope you don't feel too anxious awaiting his reply, remember you're in the right! It's not crazy to ask him to contribute financially.

He is employed.

If he is happy to not already be paying the CM then he is a shit who is also going to try and pay less than he shouldn’t. He isn’t a good or trust worthy man. I would just go through CMS.

Congratulations on sending the message. Of course he doesn't want to pay maintenance but of course he should.

Thank you - I may use yours as a follow up

It’s a good message

My understanding is that CMS encourage/ask if you have tried to resolve without involving them first, and they will also give him a chance to direct pay before moving to collect and pay. So this seems like the right order

No they don't

This.

Ok. The only reason I asked is that your pension is now out of the equation in terms of further negotiations. So if he threatens to 'go after' your pension as a retaliation for you going for maintenance, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Plus cms is nothing to do with maintenance- court orders only deal with the first year. After that you are free to pursue whatever remedy is necessary.

If he kicks off, ignore.