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Original poster

When was the last time a friend visited you in your home?

29 replies

Carebearsonmybed · 19/08/2024 08:39

No one other than family has set foot inside my home for over a year.

This isn't normal is it?

I'm autistic so have great difficulty with social relationships but this feels extreme.

I'm someone who'd love to have someone visit, I have invited people I think of as friends (I have a tendency to think someone's my friend when they don't see me that way).

I haven't visited anyone at the their home since last year. I don't get invites. I have 'friends' I've visited before but these friendships have been more distant recently. I also realise lots of people don't like people in their homes.

My house is very easy to reach by public transport so it's not that.

I don't even know the point in the post it's just I look at all these empty seats and think it's such a waste of a nice space to hang out in.

When I was younger I thought at my age I'd be hosting endless dinner parties! Last did that early 2023 but have since become estranged from that friend.

I'm not cut out for such a lonely life. 😢

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 19/08/2024 11:09

I have a different problem. I haven't been in anyone else's house yet this year, besides the house of one bloke who wanted to get his end away.

I invited people round for my birthday and I think 2 neighbours have had a cup of tea here this year. That's it.

ByCupidStunt · 19/08/2024 11:10

Saturday.

One or two mates usually pop round for an hour every week-end.

I never go to other peoples houses.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 19/08/2024 11:16

Not for ages, but I'm in a similar situation to you, and waiting for an ASD assessment.

This might not appeal at all, but when you mentioned the nice space with no one but you in it, I immediately thought of a little book group or board games group or similar.

ViciousCurrentBun · 19/08/2024 11:27

I had a friend round on Thursday for lunch after we had been to a coffee morning together that’s a hobby group and then another friend on Friday. But I like having guests, always have. Last time I went to a friends was 3 weeks ago. I tend to have people here more.

I grew up in a huge family so apart from when stressed I like company. The net to find people anyone is compatible with needs to be cast far and wide. Find a hobby you like where you can have something in common with others and go from there.

So you saying you think they are your friend but they don’t, I understand social cues are harder for people with autism but how does it play out? I really liked two women I volunteer with. I knew them for a year before I invited them for dinner at mine. Before that we had been for a coffee after a shift but had worked together for at least three months before we did this. I personally back away from people overly keen. Had a woman who I met through a walking buddy group suggest we holiday together on our third walk together, I had spent about six hours with her. We had a lot in common but she was just too intense so I said my schedule had changed and couldn’t do X day anymore knowing full well that was her only free day.

SamW98 · 19/08/2024 11:28

A couple of months ago but me and my friends are not really socialising at home sort of people. We tend to have our meet ups outside the home - lunch, few drinks, festivals etc

Imtryingnottoworry · 19/08/2024 14:16

I had family, who I normally don't see , in my home last October. And I've had the police in my home 3 times in the past few weeks - dealing with an anti social behaviour problem I'm having with local children. Apart from these unusual visitors my son is my only semi regular visitor.

Actually, apart from my son I don't want anyone else in my home. But the reason I'm being targeted by local youths is because I live alone and don't have visitors. So I realise I'm considered " odd" because of it.

I've become like this because of a series of circumstances over the years, made much worse by isolation during the covid lock downs.

I sympathise with you OP because once upon a time I would have loved to have had people/ friends dropping in.
I get very lonely too but the anxiety of having people in the house actually outweighs the anxiety of loneliness.

Thunderboltandlightningveryveryfrightening · 19/08/2024 14:18

We have lived here since 2015.. Apart from dh and my dc nobody has been here.... Except dc's school teacher to verify we actually live here...

DancingNotDrowning · 19/08/2024 14:53

three weekends of back to back friends staying for the weekend - which is somewhat atypical.

A friend popped in very briefly last week, but I work FT so not a lot of opportunity for casual chats and coffee week to week.

I’ll have people for dinner every other weekend or so but most of my socialising is done outside of the home in bars or restaurants

Noras · 19/08/2024 14:58

As I have a disabled son I became used to being the host. Now I relish going to other people’s houses when I get an invite as I have had years being stuck at home at weekends. However my mate said that I have learnt to make people too comfortable. Also when I am on good form I am used to cooking and getting food out. DS has his own snug so he is catered for and can have his own space.

MiddleAgedDread · 19/08/2024 15:01

Not counting my boyfriend, a friend called round to pick something up this morning (but she didn't come in as I was WFH) and before that it was last Sunday when someone came over.

Turophilic · 19/08/2024 15:04

On Saturday

Most weeks someone comes over for a coffee, or I go to theirs. It’s nice to have a chat somewhere it doesn’t cost money!

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 19/08/2024 15:07

Do you have children? I feel like the children's friend's parents, who are my friends too now I guess, are always in my house drinking my wine! Grin

If you want to invite people for dinner, do you specifiy that? eg, "would you like to come over for dinner next week - I thought Thursday would be a good day as it's expected to be sunny and we could sit in the garden". Or are you more vague eg, "would you like to come over some time?". The latter, in my experience, will not generate guests as it's vague and wishy washy and the underlying message could actually be "we don't want you to come over b ut feel obliged to suggest it. please don't take me up on this offer".

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 19/08/2024 15:09

No idea. Hardly been to anyone else's house either.

Original poster
Carebearsonmybed · 19/08/2024 22:02

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 19/08/2024 15:07

Do you have children? I feel like the children's friend's parents, who are my friends too now I guess, are always in my house drinking my wine! Grin

If you want to invite people for dinner, do you specifiy that? eg, "would you like to come over for dinner next week - I thought Thursday would be a good day as it's expected to be sunny and we could sit in the garden". Or are you more vague eg, "would you like to come over some time?". The latter, in my experience, will not generate guests as it's vague and wishy washy and the underlying message could actually be "we don't want you to come over b ut feel obliged to suggest it. please don't take me up on this offer".

I have DCs by have never drank with and of their friends parents! I did have a mum friend years ago we would meet in a cafe but she moved away.

I don't chat at the school gate. Hundreds surge out at once- I have no idea who's who! I can't do small talk.

I don't have a garden

I dont really have people to ask round. I don't know anyone in walking distance.

I mean what I say so if I ask someone round I mean it. I'm quite astonished people would lie about this? Why??

OP posts:
Original poster
Carebearsonmybed · 19/08/2024 22:04

Imtryingnottoworry · 19/08/2024 14:16

I had family, who I normally don't see , in my home last October. And I've had the police in my home 3 times in the past few weeks - dealing with an anti social behaviour problem I'm having with local children. Apart from these unusual visitors my son is my only semi regular visitor.

Actually, apart from my son I don't want anyone else in my home. But the reason I'm being targeted by local youths is because I live alone and don't have visitors. So I realise I'm considered " odd" because of it.

I've become like this because of a series of circumstances over the years, made much worse by isolation during the covid lock downs.

I sympathise with you OP because once upon a time I would have loved to have had people/ friends dropping in.
I get very lonely too but the anxiety of having people in the house actually outweighs the anxiety of loneliness.

I don't have any anxiety about visitors but I'd freak if someone called unplanned! Who'd do that?

I don't even know where most of my friends live!

OP posts:
TrumpetOfTheMatriarchy · 19/08/2024 22:08

Saturday night. Was supposed to be going out to dinner with two friends. One bailed and so me and the other friend decided in a drink in the local and a takeaway at mine instead. Before that it was around three weeks ago when an old work colleague came for lunch.

junebirthdaygirl · 19/08/2024 22:09

I very rarely have people around or go to friends houses. We meet for walks or coffee in cafes. My sisters do call and my grown up kids of course. I meet people all the time at interest groups but they are never in my home or me in theirs. All our activities are elsewhere.
Myy home is fine ..its just l like to be out and about.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 19/08/2024 22:13

I tend to meet friends out really. A few weeks back DP was away with work and a friend came round for dinner and a few glasses of wine. A couple of weeks before that another friend and her daughter came round for coffee and cake, mainly so her wee girl could meet our fairly recently adopted rescue cat.

Doggymummar · 19/08/2024 22:15

Carebearsonmybed · 19/08/2024 08:39

No one other than family has set foot inside my home for over a year.

This isn't normal is it?

I'm autistic so have great difficulty with social relationships but this feels extreme.

I'm someone who'd love to have someone visit, I have invited people I think of as friends (I have a tendency to think someone's my friend when they don't see me that way).

I haven't visited anyone at the their home since last year. I don't get invites. I have 'friends' I've visited before but these friendships have been more distant recently. I also realise lots of people don't like people in their homes.

My house is very easy to reach by public transport so it's not that.

I don't even know the point in the post it's just I look at all these empty seats and think it's such a waste of a nice space to hang out in.

When I was younger I thought at my age I'd be hosting endless dinner parties! Last did that early 2023 but have since become estranged from that friend.

I'm not cut out for such a lonely life. 😢

We've had no visitors since we moved here in 2020. It's bliss but I appreciate you don't feel the same. I went to sil a week ago for first time in two years, otherwise not been in anyone's house

Elizo · 19/08/2024 22:18

I think lots of people are having people over less now, maybe Covid got us out of habit. I actually think I have only had family over this whole year which is crazy! I used to have people over loads. I have been to other’s houses every so often, need to invite people over!

LadyChilli · 19/08/2024 22:29

I love having friends round but it doesn't happen that often. It can easily be months between visits or even in busy spells it can be weeks between. I tend to meet friends out more than have them round. I have friends who rarely or never come to my house or me theirs, so I don't think it's weird. It sounds like you'd like to have people round though? Getting to know people more locally might be helpful with that. I got very friendly with a neighbour during lockdown and we're in each others' houses a lot because it's easy to be. We've been known to cross the street in pyjamas at times!

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 19/08/2024 22:31

I feel for you, OP, and everyone else here who is isolated. I find it harder to make friends as I get older.

DH and I have a lot of friendly acquaintances and get on well with neighbours, colleagues etc. But the only people who come into our home or invite us into theirs are old friends we’ve known for 20+ years (none live close by), and just one neighbour. We’re trying to expand that, but it takes time.

I recommend clubs, book groups, neighbourhood groups, sociable hobbies

Best of luck to everyone here xx

PrueHal · 19/08/2024 22:32

Last month when a friend brought dinner because my day died!

Other than that, not a common occurrence really.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/08/2024 22:33

I had a friend turn up tonight, she was stressed and wanted someone to talk to.

I can go a few weeks without having anyone round though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2024 22:37

Yesterday. Friends came for lunch and stayed till 5. I see her a lot, it was nice to see her partner too.

The friends you have where you don’t know where they live, are these friendships you want to deepen or would you like to meet new people?