Husband wants lights off when watching television

[Beekind2]

We have been married for many years. We moved into a townhome 2 years ago. The open kitchen and family room are extremely close together. Our television is on the wall near the kitchen. The kitchen has 7 ceiling lights which I don’t think are too bright for watching TV, but hubby does. He likes to watch TV at night in complete darkness. If I am eating or doing something in the same room, then I turn on the light above the kitchen table. It is behind him, and he doesn’t mind this. But if I go into the kitchen to do something he gets very upset if the lights are on for too long. This is an ongoing problem, and sometimes I am doing dishes or something else in there where I need to see. I feel like if I am standing in the kitchen doing something, it’s okay for me to turn the lights on…

Tonight he asked me to check on the pizza. I get up and cut him a piece of pizza and bring it to him while he is watching TV. He says it is cold. So I take his piece and put it back in oven. We have had a very busy day, as we spent all day visiting our daughter in college who lives 2 1/2 hours away. I’m tired (I also went for a run when we got back), and I was going to get ready for bed right away, so I decided to eat my one piece of pizza standing up, so I could quickly throw the paper plate away in the trashcan which was in the cabinet next to my knee. He asks me to turn the lights off. I told him I am just eating my one piece of pizza and then throwing my paper plate away. He says, turn the lights off. I tell him I’m almost done. He proceeds to tell me that I am selfish and inconsiderate, and being unkind about it. It took literally 30-45 seconds for me to eat the small slice of pizza….

I didn’t think it made sense to turn the kitchen lights off, go sit at the table for 30 seconds to eat my pizza, then get up, turn kitchen lights on again and throw paper plate away. This is an ongoing issue.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable?

I’m very sensitive to overhead lights. I can’t stand them being turned on unless absolutely necessary. That is why we have lamps and other task lighting.

Lamps don’t really work in the kitchen. if the lights bother your husband that much, he needs to research new lighting for that area.

as Long as he is actively working on the task, I would keep the lights off as much as possible in the meantime. Overhead lighting can be really painful.

I mean, you know in this particular situation the answer is for him to get off his own arse and get his own pizza? There's a lot here of him telling you what to do, not only about the lamps but about it all.

But that aside, on the lighting front only, he's got to see how the set up at this new house is an issue and it's not about making you do things in the dark because of his tv 'needs' case by case. You've both got to come up with a solution to the issue longer term because it is impractical and there has to be some assessment, negotiation and compromise that isn't about his wants but about the bigger picture. Are there strategic lamps that'll help, or walls that need building, or other tvs that he can go watch or whatever will help make life easier and not make this into a sore point between you. It is only tv and it doesn't sound insurmountable if people can be grown up about it.

And there are discrete kitchen lamps that do work well eg under the top cupboards or even at floor level. But he can't be precious about absolute darkness for tv. If he wanted that, he's bought the wrong house.

You are at home. Why are you eating pizza off of paper plates? Such waste.

As for the lights, yes they are annoying but it sounds like you tiptoe round your husband’s wants and that’s not good.

You eat on paper plates at home?

He is an arse and, seeing as this is your home (not rented?) he should reconfigure the lighting.

So much wrong with this.

Your default setting being sitting in the dark with the TV on (very bad for your eyes, means you can't do anything else).

The paper plates. The eating standing up. Him being too lazy to get his own piece of pizza.

Your husband needs to stop bossing you around and he needs to find a way of watching TV which doesn't require you to be watching TV with him (because the lights are off and you can't see to do anything else) or eating/fetching him pizza in the dark.

Suggest he reads a book instead.

Buy husband a couple of pairs of wrap around very dark sunglasses for when it is reasonable for you to have light on, which will be quite often.

Also worth looking into swapping into another home - one with a separate snug. If this is impossible then make one of the bedrooms into a TV snug,

I agree with @MissScarletInTheBallroom, this is depressing on so many levels. Forget the lights, why is he allowed to dictate everything, and insult you?

Tell him to pause the TV when you need the do something in the kitchen. If he only needs complete darkness for watching telly, then the solution is for him not to watch it when the lights are on surely.
Alternatively, tell him to stop being bloody ridiculous.

It sounds like you need to rethink the position of the tv. Over winter you will never be able to use the kitchen in the evening without it being an issue.

I assume DH isn’t normally this grumpy and we don’t need to all tell you to LTB.

Your DP is a bully. Why he is dictating everything? I'm sure this is the tip of the iceberg- reconsider this relationship.

You eat off paper plates?? Misses point of thread

I too suggest looking into swapping into another home — one without your maungy husband in it. He sounds awful. Are you frightened of him?

If he's that fussy, he can go and watch tv upstairs exactly how he likes it.

This isn’t about lights is ir? It’s about your husband being a controlling bullying arsehole who thinks his way is the only way.

My sister has a small lamp in her kitchen as she doesn't like the bright ceiling light. You could also consider fitting a dimmer switch which might help, but your bigger problem is your arsehole husband who expects you to wait on him and tip toe around him.

Could you take out a few of the bulbs so the lights aren’t as bright?

I don’t know why you purchased a house with this layout unless you’ve never noticed he likes watching Tv in darkness before. Surely it was always going to cause issues.

He sounds like a lazy git.

Stop doing stuff in the kitchen while he's watching tv. Make your husband do it himself. Problem solved!

So you're running around making his pizza the perfect temperature, finally get to eat yours and he has the cheek to moan about lights?! Cheeky bastard

Walking on eggshells like that mhhh that's why am separated. He sounds so mean you've just made him some pizza the next minute he's calling you selfish !?? About the lights, I hate bright lights myself and I watch tv in the darkness

He sounds like a really nasty bully.
Is this really the life you want.
Bet this isn't your only example of him bein a completely selfish pig.
Call Womens aid for advice and support.
You deserve better.

Well the house design isnt working but he sounds like an awful pig!

Move the tv. Or the husband. Or both.

And a separate partner!!

Get a curtain,or a screen (not Tv 😄) or a room divider. One room isn’t working for you as a family.