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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend making me feel like I am going mad??

15 replies

daisyflower9 · 18/08/2024 18:41

Been together over 3 years. Over the last year there has been a multitude of issues. Whenever I bring something up about moving in together, he says I say this all the time and he will say he does want to move in with me. But then months of not mentioning until I bring it up again. I don’t know what this is or if I am going mad, everytime I bring up an issue, he has an answer for everything. His family did not invite me to an outing with other in laws invited and he doesn’t see why I am bothered. He has an inability to see where I am coming from and will just come up with a counter argument constantly and say it’s no different from when I did this or that or he doesn’t see why I am upset. There seems to be this thing where he can never apologise or see when my feelings are genuinely hurt by his actions such as slamming doors or rolling his eyes at me when i want to have a genuine conversation. He would never call his family out and ask them why they are excluding me, he just says they organised the event. I feel like I’m starting to go mad, I start to think maybe I am being unreasonable and expecting too much and maybe I am too much. Day to day he is nice to me but I find myself wondering if he is treating me badly but I feel its subtle and I question myself a lot. He gets irritated at the small minor things and then I call him out for the way he speaks to me saying there’s no need when I haven’t done anything wrong, then he says I made him angry because I said something and that’s why he went on like that. I feel he’s getting into my head. Am I being emotionally manipulated? I feel I need to leave but feel trapped at the same time thinking it must be me that’s the problem. How do I leave this? I have tried and ending going straight back.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 18/08/2024 18:43

You find a way

DadJoke · 18/08/2024 18:44

Are you asking for practical advice on how to leave, or whether you should? You should, for sure.

blueshoes · 18/08/2024 18:47

Assuming he is not neurodiverse, it sounds like he does not value your opinion. It is almost like gaslighting the way he denies your feelings. You are not being heard in this relationship and you do not appear to have a voice. You are not imagining it.

Lmnop22 · 18/08/2024 20:41

He is either deliberately making you feel like you’re going mad as a method of control over you (gaslighting). Or he genuinely just couldn’t give a fuck how you feel and thinks he’s always right and his opinion matters more.

On both counts, please leave him!

Straightouttachelmsford · 18/08/2024 20:44

Wasting your time here, move on.

FritataPatate · 18/08/2024 20:45

You are not the problem here. Time to move on . Listen to "50 ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon.

dbeuowlxb173939 · 18/08/2024 20:47

Gaslighting. Leave him and find someone better

DustyLee123 · 18/08/2024 20:49

Why on earth would you want to move in with someone who treats you like this? Move on.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/08/2024 20:52

It’s not you it’s him. He is abusing you and you are being gaslighted by him. It’s a pervasive form of psychological abuse.

How can you be helped into leaving this man?. Thankfully you and he don’t live together so ending the relationship permanently is going to be easier. Your boundaries, perhaps already weak to start with, are being further weakened by him. Do the Freedom Programme online or in person going forward and do not enter into another relationship until your boundaries are a lot more higher and healthier.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/08/2024 20:53

He doesn't want to be in this relationship but hadn't got the balls to say it.

He doesn't want to move in
He doesn't want his family to include you
He doesn't like you
He finds fault with you
He doesn't respect you

Look at his actions not his words. Cos they aren't matching.

StormingNorman · 18/08/2024 20:53

He doesn’t want to move in together. He doesn’t see you as family. He treats you badly.

You need to dump him before you waste any more time on this relationship if you are looking for something serious.

LondonFox · 18/08/2024 20:54

Men are perfectly able to start a war, participate in extreme sports and do other obsessive shit.
If he does not want to move in with you after three years, he is not really into you.
Move on and find someone whowill ask you to live together himself.

On3Mor3Try · 18/08/2024 21:49

In my experience, if something feels wrong, then it is wrong.

This relationship you are in is definitely wrong.

It won't get any better.

If he wanted to move in with you he would have done it by now.

Stop wasting your time and leave. Do not go back.

Have the courage to be single until you find the right person. Don't stay with someone who makes you feel like you don't matter. That's much worse than being single.

The right person will not make you feel any of the horrible things you're feeling right now. Get rid.

Ouchouch1 · 18/08/2024 22:36

Gaslighting. It will get much much worse. Please leave safely while you can.

Pinkissmart · 18/08/2024 22:39

Honestly, it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong- it’s just not working for you.

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