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I think I need to leave

24 replies

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 18:19

Parter for 12 years always been hot headed 0-100 and today I was on the other end of it got in to an argument as our wee boy took his phone when he was sleeping and it got lost in the house somewhere basically shouted and shouted tones of abuse one of them being something I never thought he'd say "fat retard" loads off others to he's smashed the house looking for the phone my sons ride on car a mirror plates and glasses. Ige never ever seen him like this and im pretty shaken how could he treat me like this over a phone we knew was in the house
Im currently crying in the spare room
Left him downstairs with the mess

OP posts:
Theirishwoman · 18/08/2024 18:20

for the sake of you and your children you definitely need to leave

RandomMess · 18/08/2024 18:21

I would report the incidence to the police on line.

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 18:21

Theirishwoman · 18/08/2024 18:20

for the sake of you and your children you definitely need to leave

I can't go anywhere tonight nowhere to go my mums on holiday she comes back tomorrow tho I really have never seen him like this we've

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 18/08/2024 18:22

Jeezo, get out of there op. It could be you or the kids next.

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 18:25

Feel physically sick

OP posts:
Coz97 · 18/08/2024 19:32

I agree, is there anywhere you can stay just for tonight? A hotel? Or is there a friend who can come pick you up? You need to make sure you and your child are safe

HazelPlayer · 18/08/2024 19:41

That is insane behaviour.

I've had my phone lost/hidden by my child, I just kept searching, looked in likely places, got her Dad to ring it etc.
If it's an iPhone, I think you can try to find it on another one etc

It was frustrating and inconvenient but you don't act like that, it's beyond ridiculous.

Totally insane, unreasonable, disproportionate, violent behaviour.

Must have been terrifying for your child.
What a memory for him to have.

Smashing plates and glasses you all use is bad enough, but smashing a small child's toy is something else.

The severe verbal abuse ...very nasty indeed.

It sounds like he's always been a problem with the 0-100 description, I'd say you've been putting up with abuse for a long time (and writing it off as temper.
Do you think you've been minimising it?
It's not a good thing for a child to grow up with.
You shouldn't have to put up with if either.

He sounds like a fkg toddler having a massive, violent tantrum. Does he realise the only child in the house is supposed to be his son, not him.

I'd be interested to see if he'd act like that in public, or work ....or is it only with smaller, weaker dependants he feels free to indulge himself in lengthy, violent, destructive, verbally abusive tantrums with?

He should have been arrested.

If would be a good idea to report this, get if recorded for future childcare arrangements. Cause I'd be trying to minimise the amount if access that man got to a child. People need to know he's gone on a rampage, destroying items in the house, including the child's toys/equipment.

Runnerinthenight · 18/08/2024 19:42

Can you tell him to leave?

Sounds like there's something incriminating on that phone.

Stay safe x

ilovelamp82 · 18/08/2024 19:47

Do you have a key for your Mum's? I'm sure she'd be happy for you to let yourself in and stay under the circumstances. Otherwise hotel till tomorrow?

Hope you are safe. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

ilovelamp82 · 18/08/2024 19:47

Runnerinthenight · 18/08/2024 19:42

Can you tell him to leave?

Sounds like there's something incriminating on that phone.

Stay safe x

Edited

That was my first thought too.

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 19:48

He's stayed downstairs and
I've stayed upstairs I'm just in shock never have I ever seen him
Acting this way and to be so horrible to

OP posts:
imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 19:48

I also agree about the phone

OP posts:
HazelPlayer · 18/08/2024 19:56

Runnerinthenight · 18/08/2024 19:42

Can you tell him to leave?

Sounds like there's something incriminating on that phone.

Stay safe x

Edited

Yeah, I was wondering that too (whether he's anxious you'll discover something on it).

Anyway, my ex BIL did something similar. There was no lost phone involved, he was just building furniture (a bed maybe) for his son"s bedroom and the son was bouncing around, impatient and excited and "getting in his way" etc.
He ended up smashing & stamping the bed to pieces.
My nephew was of course really upset and shook up.

A while later, when my sister walked into a bar to find him sitting with two women she didn't know when he was supposed to be working overtime (he'd been doing a lot of "overtime").... They went home arguing and he attacked her. Knocked her to the ground, over a glass & wood coffee table, dragged her along the floor, and threw her out (in her bare feet). He then called the police (of which he was one!) and told them she'd been out of control and he'd "put her out of the house".

My point is the violence/destruction towards objects, often escalates to violence against people.

As I'm sure you've experienced with your partner, his behaviour was not out of the blue. There was a long history of temperamental, tantrummy, selfish, impatient, intolerant behaviour. I remember he'd running to his car once when I bumped into her in the street because he was revving the engine and giving her "the look" ... because he felt she was keeping him waiting.
On a other occasion they had a disagreement and he drive off and left her and their son to walk home in the rain.

These guys are very rarely nice, easygoing, kind, tolerant guys outside of these incidents. They are usually selfish, entitled and rules are different for them and their partner/kids.
It sounds like that's the case with your p.

Noone needs to live with a "domestic terrorist", not you ... And definitely not your child.

Frith2013 · 18/08/2024 20:27

Call the police.

It will make life safer for you right now and easier when you can show you needed the police when you come to divorce.

Treesinthewind · 18/08/2024 20:32

Has your mum left a key anywhere so you could take the kids to hers?

Starlightstarbright3 · 18/08/2024 20:34

You need to phone the police

who’s house is it ? You say partner so assume you’re not married .

Where is your DS now ?

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 20:43

Starlightstarbright3 · 18/08/2024 20:34

You need to phone the police

who’s house is it ? You say partner so assume you’re not married .

Where is your DS now ?

Not married private rent joint tenants my son is with me

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 18/08/2024 20:46

Men like this are at their most dangerous when you leave. If you plan to, please don’t say anything and act normal and then just take your child and go and never look back.

Try and get some things together secretly as best you can for you and your child and remember things like passports, ID, bank cards, favourite toys etc.

Im so sorry this happened to you.

imgonnalooseit · 18/08/2024 21:52

Lmnop22 · 18/08/2024 20:46

Men like this are at their most dangerous when you leave. If you plan to, please don’t say anything and act normal and then just take your child and go and never look back.

Try and get some things together secretly as best you can for you and your child and remember things like passports, ID, bank cards, favourite toys etc.

Im so sorry this happened to you.

That's my plan I haven't spoken or seen him since he's stayed down stairs

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 18/08/2024 22:41

It’s done
give notice to your landlord to
good luck op

Runnerinthenight · 18/08/2024 22:45

Hope you're safe @imgonnalooseit x

Greenhedge1 · 18/08/2024 22:48

OP, he has thrashed the house.
The damage is on him.
You are not responsible for what he has done.
You need to report what he has done to the police.
That is criminal damage I would imagine to a property that is not his.

You do not want to get caught for the cost of this.
Please take lots of photos if you can.
You could ring 101 and tell them you are staying upstairs.

This is a very dangerous man.

abracadabra1980 · 19/08/2024 07:53

Similar to my exH. Used to get like this when losing his keys. Long time ago now but they never change. I'd get your ducks in a row. Don't let this man set this behaviour as an example to your child. Ever.

Notaflippinclue · 19/08/2024 18:38

Is their something on his phone he needs to keep confidential - seems odd behaviour for a phone in the house!

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