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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The online bit of OLD

27 replies

AnyDayButTuesday · 18/08/2024 09:14

I'm obviously crap at OLD.
I can write a decent profile (I've read all the tips and had it approved by a couple of friends.)
I've used some decent photos. (See above.)
I'm told I'm a "great catch" by friends (M & F).
I can get matched by the algorithms.
I can get into online conversations.
[FFWD]
I can sit in a cafe with a stranger and loose 3 or 4 hours in conversation.
What I can't do is convert online chat into dates.
I'm not going to say the matches I'm chatting to are crap and it's their fault.
That's too easy, lazy and i dont blame others for what i cant do.. I'm the common denominator. Thats just reality. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not beating myself up for it and I still (mostly) like myself. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, or rather what to do differently. So ...

What makes a good OLD online chat that results in an actual date?

OP posts:
GravitasShortfall · 27/08/2024 08:01

Happyinarcon · 27/08/2024 07:11

Just arrange a coffee date first up and if they drag their feet move on. I wasted too much time on delightful online conversations only to find often there was zero chemistry face to face and I didn’t have the energy for a bunch of pen friends. Having said that I was up for organizing a coffee date with any guy that had a job and looked remotely sane! I met some lovely blokes and enjoyed myself 🤣

Agree 100% with this. I either did coffee or a quick drink in a bar/pub within a week of chatting. If they didn’t want to meet within a week of chatting, they were time wasters.

Met my DP online and when I suggested a drink that weekend he said he couldn’t because he’d already committed to a weekend mountain climbing with friends, but immediately gave me 3 weeknight dates and one following Saturday that he was free to see if any of those suited me. He was keen to meet. That’s a good sign.

You aren’t doing OLD wrong, they are. It’s like trying to play tennis with someone who won’t hit the balls back.

Original poster
AnyDayButTuesday · 27/08/2024 08:25

GravitasShortfall · 27/08/2024 08:01

Agree 100% with this. I either did coffee or a quick drink in a bar/pub within a week of chatting. If they didn’t want to meet within a week of chatting, they were time wasters.

Met my DP online and when I suggested a drink that weekend he said he couldn’t because he’d already committed to a weekend mountain climbing with friends, but immediately gave me 3 weeknight dates and one following Saturday that he was free to see if any of those suited me. He was keen to meet. That’s a good sign.

You aren’t doing OLD wrong, they are. It’s like trying to play tennis with someone who won’t hit the balls back.

Show quote history

Tennis analogies also included turning up with a racket, serving unretunable aces, making sure you're in the right part of the court to return a ball and not blaming a spectator for sneezing when you miss an easy volley. 😀

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