Compulsive Liar

[FancyFlamingo]

I’ve been with my partner 4 years, lately I’ve been catching him out in little white lies, like absolutely pointless lies and it’s set of a massive worry in me. He’s never been perfect and he has had multiple chances from me.
But then the latest has just sent my head somewhere else, he was meant to be at work on Thursday and he would normally text me in the morning to let me know he was at work and let me
know what his day was looking like but I hadn’t got that message so I text him instead.. to not receive a reply so I started to worry after a few hours had gone by with no answer.. he then replied 4 hours later saying he was busy and I need to calm the “f” down. So I apologised. Then I checked the bank noticed he’d actually been on a day out go karting.. confronted him to which he lied again saying he was working not go karting.. until I pushed and pushed and he admitted he’d gone out with work mates. So I dropped it.. but then later that night he was still out working, I got a voicemail where he pocket dialled me and him and all his work mates were having a conversation where basically they were all saying I’m delusional for being upset that he lied to me and then my partner was saying he would go home to his parents but he can’t because there’s no room so he will just come back to me for the night! Which really blew my mind. I confronted him shown him the voicemail and he didn’t know what to say… didn’t even apologise until I asked him to and since then he’s just acted like he’s done nothing wrong. I’m so confused!!!!!

What is there to be confused about? He is using you for the convince that comes from a relationship but he is selfish in nature and wants to do what he wants to do and is happy to lie to get what he wants.

It's like you're waiting around for a bad enough lie to leave him for?

There's nothing to be confused about. He's a shitbag of a man and you need to be rid of him. The end.

Why confusion? This one is telling you exactly what he is and expecting you to ignore it. No room at his mum’s so you’ll have to do. That’s no way to live! I’d kick him out!

I think I’m more confused by the fact we’ve been together 4 years and I’ve done everything possible for him, So for him to be so nasty about me behind my back and to let other people comment about me and him have no reaction it’s shocking.

And for him to not even apologise after seeing how upset I was. I do agree with you, he is selfish and does just do what he wants.
Your right maybe I am hanging on for a bigger lie so I can leave and I do feel like this is big enough of a lie for me to leave but then part of me thinks am I over reacting? Do all men sl”g their partners off at work…

Good grief, op, why are your standards so unbelievably low? You shouldn't even be debating whether or not to dump him, it should already be done. Stop being your own worst enemy and get rid of this loser.

OP there's no confusion here. He does not respect you and he is just using you for convenience. You know he's a bare faced liar and liars don't change, you will never be able to trust him. Do yourself a favour and get rid, he can go back to his parents and sleep on the couch if needs be. I wouldn't have him under my roof for another night!

I have little to no confidence and I think that’s why I’ve continued to put up with the lies. But I whole heartedly know he needs to leave, I agree I’m my own worst enemy I’m driving myself insane!

Text him that it's over, tell him to never contact you again and block him. Honestly, op, want better for yourself.

Well if you do everything for him that will be why. Why would he end it if he can do what he likes and you will still stick around.

You don't need to wait for the next lie. You can leave and end a relationship for any reason and feeling like he is taken you for granted can be one.

Of course it isn't normal to slag off your partner to other people. I mean vent maybe, that is what you are doing about him on this forum. If he is calling you names etc then it's different. Sounds like you are both complaining about it each other to other people which is pretty telling......

So what are you going to do OP? Is it your house together, does he have any claim on it?

Get your foot off that bar op and raise it a little higher.

This man is horrible and only using you. He doesn't respect you, hell it doesn't even sound like he likes you. Kick him the fuck out.

I think I’m more confused by the fact we’ve been together 4 years and I’ve done everything possible for him, So for him to be so nasty about me behind my back and to let other people comment about me and him have no reaction it’s shocking.
I'd say you're naive, you're doing everything for him; nice easy life for him, that doesn't equal him being kind and loving.
He's a lying user; get rid.

I'd say your self esteem and self confidence are in the toilet BECAUSE of this relationship. You have trained yourself to accept shit behaviour and not expect more.

Literally, do yourself a favour. Kick him into touch and your self respect will soar skywards.

If you don't respect yourself no one else will.

I think you'll find op he has driven you insane.

Bet he has spun his coworkers a bunch of lies as well. Its hell living with a liar. If you had not received that call, you wouldn't realise how much he disrespects you away from you. He was happily jeeering about you with his friends. Is this what you imagined in life?

I bet if they knew how he really was and how many lies he tells then they'd be exactly the same.

Just get rid of him. He is not bringing anything good to your life is he?

As much as we try to understand behaviour, we can’t. 4 yrs feels like a long time but image 4 more… why would someone even feel the need to lie about taking a day off to go karting. Sometimes you can give someone everything and it’s not enough, it’s just not the the right time. Ship him back to his parents. You’re worth more.

What's your living situation, do you own the house or have your name on the tenancy. If so, it's simple " off you f**k to your parents", just like he was considering.

Dump him. He will never change, and you will just end up utterly drained of life and energy.

I really hope your renting and that it’s just your name on the tenancy I would pack his bags whilst he is out with his mates and when he returns you can tell him his stuffs packed and he can go live with his parents ooh but hang on there’s no space I’m sure one of him mates will put him up make sure you get his key off him he’s a sponge and is using you get rid and move on he won’t change it won’t get any better. Good luck OP

Take it from me, no amount of explaining to him giving ultimatums will change, you will be going through this in 10 years from now with zero self worth, take the plaster off quick and heal, you are worth so much more

Send that little boy back to his mummy - or to one of the go-karting mates who sl*gged you off.

I am outraged for you. He should not be speaking about you like that to anyone or tolerate anyone speaking about you in that way.

I wouldn’t be waste any more time wondering why he has done this . It’s not going to change anything . You have to dig deep here and finish this and move on . You deserve a lot better

Put all your mental energy into moving on (not in trying to understand his behaviour and actions - he's just shit. The end)!

Your last question - after many years of being the only woman in a male environment, my answer would be no they don't. Even when I worked in pubs, it was very rare. In fact, most men I was associated with tried really hard not to.

Now mothers-in-law? Whole new answer, especially when there are babies around.

You’ve said yourself you have little to no confidence and you do everything for him so there is your answer.

he has someone who will do everything for him even when he’s acting like a tosser. He acts that way because he knows he can get away with it and you won’t leave….prove him wrong.

The more you put up with, more they know they can get away with. It. Will. Never. End.
And will get worse, and then you’ll get (understandably) paranoid and be labelled crazy.
Me, 12 years living with a compulsive liar, manipulator etc., 2 years of post separation abuse, and kids mean there’s no end in sight.
Get out as soon as you can.