When is the right time to introduce a new partner to your kids ?

[Pinkflowersxo]

I am not ready to do this now. Have started speaking to an old friend we are just friends for now as he knows I have been through a lot and that's all I'm strictly willing to be right now..

However I am starting to like him and feel like this could change in the future..

This would potentially be the first time I have seen somebody since my 9 year Dv relationship.

I have had conflicting advice from others I guess I am just wondering what way is the best way to do things based on people who have actually experienced this rather than just what they think they would do..

My natural instinct was to not allow any man near my children until we had been in a relationship for at least a year however...

I have been advised by friends that this could be the wrong thing to do as we could develop a relationship that is built purely on the basis of me being child free which isn't a realistic aspect of my life as I am a full time mum. What if he's not good with kids what if he cannot deal with it ?

How did you know your partner would be good with your children ? He doesn't have any of his own.

However I don't want to just introduce anyone ? I just wondered what everyone's experience was..

My friend has mentioned going to the park one time with the kids and we can introduce him as a "friend" but even that fills me with anxiety.

What is the right way to do this ?

Thank you in advance xxxx

Don’t ask on here!!

About after a year I think.

Depends on the age of the children. Younger children I'd wait 6 months but even then it would only be if we were in a secure relationship minimal arguments and not on/off again. Older children say 11+ I'd introduce pretty soon (maybe a month) as a friend, invite round for coffee that kind of thing and I'd be open with my child and say "I like this person and we're thinking about maybe dating at some point" to gauge their reaction.

Right time on here would be as they're just leaving uni.

Why ? Xx

Oh I get it 🙈😅xx

My children are 7&8 xx

So I had the year date in my head. Plenty of time to get to know him, meet his family, friends. Get a sense of who he is, decide of this was long term.

I met dh two years after splitting with ex. He was my best friend (of 30 years) husband's good friend. I was aware of who he was for a number of years just never met him. But it did mean people I trust had a close relationship with him, knew him from childhood, knew his family and friends. In the end I introduced him to kids after 6 months. I felt like i was falling in love and needed to see how my children felt about him and vice versa before I could decide if I could commit to the relationship.

Just put your kids first in your choices and keep your eyes wide open for red flags.

In contrast ex h met someone in weeks of splitting and within acouple months he moved in and the kids had a 'step mum and brothers' 🙄. They split after a year. 6 months later he moved in with his new gf and her dc, got married and had a baby. They split after 6 years because he cheated. He moved in with the other women, suddenly my kids had lost his second wife and her family (who they were close to) and now had another step mum and three more brothers. He temporarily split with third wife and got back together they also have kids together now) . Now my adult dd will see him (infrequently) she regularly sees her bio half siblings (5!!) but refuses to have anything to do with his wife or any potential future partners.

Always put your kids first

"My friend has mentioned going to the park one time with the kids and we can introduce him as a "friend" but even that fills me with anxiety."

I don't think lying is helpful.

Meeting 6 -12 months, living together a good few years.

My view is the context totally depends. If you intro them at a family bbq and they say hi and have a wee chat but then they get on with playing with their cousins then that's fine quite early on it's just another boring adult. But having them around at bedtime routines and breakfast is an intrusion into family intimate time that makes children feel safe and that should be protected.

Parents that do nothing at all then suddenly go into sleepovers is worse in my view than letting them know there is a boyfriend on the scene early on (eg 'what did you do this weekend mum? I went for lunch with an old friend - he's nice I might go on another date with him in a couple of weeks) and then talk about him a bit but don't let the parenting time change at all for weeks and weeks. Then maybe they could say a quick hello when he stops by to pick up his umbrella, then the family bbq etc so it's a gradual build up.

I have a toddler and I don't think it'd matter at all if eg he met a man I was dating in the park with the mans kids, as he meets my friends and their kids and husbands all the time - he's doenst get 'attached' to them as some I only see every few months.

But I wouldn't have someone I was newly dating there at bedtime or breakfast time
Or in our home with us in the early stages. That's my child's safe space that needs protecting. I also wouldn't suddenly have someone about all the time.

My ex moved in with a new gf after a few months with her three year old child. He apparently met her when our baby was four months old. Typical! We'll see if it lasts but my child needs one stable home at least x

My thoughts on it are if you date for a bit and you think he’s a good potential then introduce him to your kids and see what their dynamic is like. At least then you know if it’s likely to work out or not.

I always thought a year or more but after a bad experience whereby I’d put a lot of effort into a relationship only to find the dynamic with my kids was way off I would now want to know earlier on whether they have the capacity to be good with my kids or not.

Do it when you feel the time is right. Ignore the year MN rule.
You may do it once, then they may not meet again for months.

Thank you after reading these replies I think I am leaning to sooner but in a public setting rather than later ! Xx

Thank you I think now I am leaning more towards doing it sooner when I know it's serious but only in public settings and not very often to start, because as you said my daughters are around my friends partners at the park etc and are not attached like that ! Xx

Thank you this makes sense ! Because I feel like setting the foundations of a relationship based on you being Child free and getting a lot of 1:1 time is very unrealistic and creates an unrealistic perception as the reality is I have 2 children running around me every day ! Xxx