I want to leave my marriage and I really don't at the same time

[Alwaysraining]

I love my husband. From the bottom of my heart, I'm excited to see him, we talk all the time, when we have fun together it's absolutely magical. He means everything to me.
But I don't think my marriage is working.

Because of his lack of ability to manage money, we're in deep debt. We've had our car repossessed in the past, bailiff letters, court summons etc. he has maxed out credit cards and runs out of money by 10th of each month at best.
We own our house together but have separate bank accounts and both work full time, earning roughly the same.
I end up going without so much to ensure that DS doesn't go without (which I know is true or many), but I'm growing really resentful of DH.
Today we had a huge argument about money because I'm nearly skint and we still have things to pay for this month. I said that "we need to get our finances under control" which he got mega defensive over and basically told me off.
It's just exploded since we got home today, poor DS was downstairs the whole time. DH just kept talking over me and overreacting to things I was saying. I said that his reaction to my comment was really hurtful and he started shouting that I was putting words in his mouth or meaning behind words that wasn't there or something. It ended up with me sobbing once again because I don't know how we can climb out of the debt and the resentment I'm starting to feel.
A part of me wants out.
I feel I'd be better off financially without him, but I love him so much. I feel like I'm trying to keep everyone afloat and do the best I can but I feel like I'm failing.

I know he's so embarrassed about his finances and the position were in. He is trying to get a better paying job but struggling. He won't talk about it. The only conversations we can have about money are arguments which never get resolved or end with promises I know he can't keep.

I'm proper shaking typing this because he's stormed out to think. Please, please if anyone responds, please be kind.

This is unmanageable
it sounds like he’s in deep denial
i wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who treated me and my child with disregard - because that what it is

are you up to date on your mortgage payments?
i couldn’t stay in a relationship like this

I would give him a choice - you deal with all the money (his wages get paid into your bank account and you agree what he gets back each month) or he leaves.

And mean it.

Your pain and confusion must be huge, your feelings for him must make it so hard to see clearly.
In the immediate present please do some breathing exercises to lower Flight or Fight Freeze response, because you cant think straight in that state. You want to calm the panic sensation.
Here is one
https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/breathing-exercises-4-7-8-breath/

Click the letter t at bottom left to play it

t

But any slow diaphramatic breathing will do. Just the act of focusing on it will slow your racing thoughts.

Once you are calmer you can consider next steps. Your calmer state will also affect his.
Of course this is just a temporary measure, decisions need to be made, and he seems to be testing your boundaries as much as anything.
So maybe think about what they are.