Advice about my parents

[taylortaylorr]

I'm 28 now, the past decade feels like a blur, especially with the pandemic making me feel like my life was on hold. I grew up in an abusive household with significantly older parents—my mom's turning 70 this year, and my dad's even older. My two brothers, much older than me, often fought violently with each other and our dad, encouraged by my manipulative mom.

As a shy, sad child, I never felt I fit in. The abuse targeted me more as I got older, so I moved out at 18 for university and limited contact. When I briefly moved back in at 21, the abuse intensified, leading to me calling the police and cutting off contact completely. Then the pandemic happened which posed its own challenges, and things have settled down now, as in I have a good, stable job and my own place and am safe.

A few years later, I struggle with loneliness, even though I know cutting ties was the right choice. I am mourning not having a family generally as opposed to the specific people I’m related to if that makes sense. I'm worried about how a future partner or kids might react to my lack of family, there will never be any family events or contact on my side. Even the thought of having a wedding with just friends invited feels strange. Any advice would be appreciated. I feel like I don’t even want to attempt dating but I also don’t really know what’s holding me back!

I came from a similar background, and I hear your pain. Its a strong source of shame that one is estranged from family especially if a woman, its hard not to feel you will be seen as at fault, especially if like me you were victim blamed by them.
And yes then there is the conflicting loneliness and craving for what isnt there, not helped by idealised media representations. Try not to speculate about the future and maybe remind yourself that there can be a marked difference between lonely and Alone.
The loneliest Ive ever been is in bad relationships.
You made a strong decision which was courageous and brave, you are to be applauded.
Also maybe get a chatty friend to make you laugh
https://caringforfeathers.com/11-pet-birds-that-talk/#Lorikeet ;)

Ahh thank you so much x

I think I’m just getting to that age where lots of my friends have big events, eg seeing pictures of them at occasions surrounded by family and I feel weirdly jealous. Not that I treat them any differently, there’s nothing I can do to change my family, but it’s just a weird feeling to navigate.