Sometimes it does feel as if DH quibbles with me for the sake of it

[endofsummerevenings]

And I am probably being a bit unfair. We do have a good, respectful and loving relationship but we have two very young children, a few financial pressures, a lot of it’s just normal ‘life’ but it can be tricky.

So I’ll use this morning as an example, I had arranged to meet DH somewhere and he was slightly late setting off. So I said something like ‘oh well I need to get nappies for DD so shall I meet you at Tesco?’ He then starts going on about how there’s a Tesco express on the way and I’m saying they won’t have nappies in her size, of course he insists they will and they don’t so then he said ‘oh well actually there’s an Asda there. Shall we meet there?’

It sounds petty and it’s not that I give af about which supermarket we go to but it’s just as if he can’t say oh yeah sure well do that.

Multi tasking so not sure if it makes sense but there’s some wise people here who might just know what I’m getting at.

He's trying to be the boss of you and make you do what he says.

Oh yes I know what you mean.
My DH can be like this sometimes. It's like he wants to be the one who decides sometimes (not always or he wouldn't still be my DH).
So if I suggest a change to the plan in his head, he has to replace my suggestion with one of his own so it's still "his" plan.
Does that ring a bell?

I think that’s it @NotbloodyGivingupYet - it can be a bit frustrating!

I posted that and then thought I was probably being a bit harsh - he isn’t controlling or anything but it’s as if if I suggest something it isn’t quite good enough and has to be amended somehow!

It sounds like he’s doing it as a bit of a power thing. If you make a suggestion he feels that to agree would be giving you power or control over him. He has to amend your plan so he’s in control. I’m not really sure what you can do about it. Maybe just call it out every time? “Oh, you want to be the decision maker?” Etc. it sounds really annoying and even though you feel a bit petty noticing it, it could escalate to control over things.

Yes, dp can do this kind of thing, I'm aware of it and call it out because it drives me mad.

A regular example is me choosing to sit somewhere in a cafe and him then finding fault and wanting to change seats for whatever reason. Unless there's a compelling reason I now just refuse. I'm not falling into the trap of just letting him choose every time. His mum is the same so I often think it's learned behaviour.

I am really grateful some of you ‘got it’ and that does make me feel heard - I half expected’is this ALL you’ve got to worry about OP?’

Sometimes I go along with it, sometimes I call it out, depends how it affects me really. I actually suspect my DH is on the spectrum (as does he now) because his initial reaction to suggestions of changing things is often "no" until he's had time to process it. He really doesn't like not being in control of situations, hence the long list of jobs that need doing in the house because he won't trust them to anyone else but doesn't have time to do them himself. I often tackle them myself when he's out without telling him first, because once it's done it's fine and he's happy, but if I mention it beforehand it would take hours of discussion.

That would drive me mad.

Have you ever insisted on sticking to your plan? Or does he always get his way?