Throwing away a potential good thing over initial attraction ?

[Pinkflowersxo]

Hey everyone , so coming here for some advice please ❤️

Background of me : I was in a 9 year abusive relationship where I experienced a lot of trauma / infront of our children 🙈 I had him reported left the relationship & haven't looked back since.

I'll be honest I grew up in a rough area and often had relationships with drug dealers / bad men

I've recently come back into contact with an old friend...

He is SO kind , so sweet , lovely , respects women he's ambitious and driven works hard owns his own home is responsible and honestly we've been talking the last 4 days and he makes me laugh. He really makes me laugh. He wants kids and believes in family values he used to really like me years back but I was young and stupid.

He hasn't been pushy with me and respects that I have been through a lot we are simply getting to know eachother.

The only thing is I don't feel like I am completely attracted to him. He's tall, good looking , brilliant body he models but I want to say sometimes I feel he leans a little "feminine" he's very masculine but sometimes it's the way he talks it sounds so silly. There is some attraction but I am finding myself picking out things that I don't like. Imperfections I guess such as his lisp or his haircut. SO bad I know.

Is this my self Sabotaging behaviour? I don't pick people apart in my day to do but for some reason it's like some kind of reflex to do this when I meet a man who is really lovely but I'm not instantly attracted to.

I feel like it's really silly to not give somebody a chance of at least getting to know them simply because I don't instantly feel physically attracted ? Should it feel instant or do you believe it can grow ? It's not a complete ew no way not ever. But when I talk to him and he's there for me and supports me I feel inside like he is just the most sweetest man ever I've never experienced a man who is so kind but also funny. He thinks I'm amazing and it's honestly so sweet.

Basically just wanting advice I am really trying to change my ways so I don't end up in another bad situation. He is putting no pressure on me we are just friends.

Did any of you ever have attraction grow with your DP? Inside I don't want to let him pass me by because he is so lovely I feel it's worth at least giving a chance since I gave my horrible ex years of chances despite him being a horrible person to me and our children.

Thank you in advance xxx

Don't write him off but don't rush into anything - just take things slowly and see what develops naturally (or doesn't).

It was definitely a slow burn between me and DP.

I had seen him around and didn't find him attractive at all. There were a couple of things that actually put me off him.

Got to know him.

We've been together over 20 years, have a dd, I fancy him like mad and wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

Aw this is so interesting. I am not rushing into anything for sure.. I think I know inside my weird "associated reaction" is to go for drug dealers , super good looking men who end up to be players and find myself over looking their bad qualities or enlarging their good qualities.

This guy I knew him in college he was always lovely and kind but I'll be honest I was such a damaged person after my bad relationships with men that treated me so badly I just couldn't appreciate him.

I look at his old pictures from 2 years ago before he modelled and I find him SO attractive like really attractive he had a beard and looks more rugged. Now that he models he isn't allowed facial hair and his hair is totally different and I've just found myself picking him apart even though he's not putting pressure on me I can sense that my brain is trying to put myself off him by anyway I can find. Even though we are just friends and bless his heart he isn't even trying to push me in anyway hope that makes sense xxxx

@Pinkflowersxo I had dated extensively before I met my DH. At that point I wanted to meet a man who I create mental connection with, who I can talk to about anything, with whom I can be myself and it's flowing naturally. My issue before was that I got bored with everybody after few dates/sex, I felt like I had to sacrifice, wasn't connecting mentally.
My DH took notice of what I said (I said like bowling so we went bowling, I told him my fave bar and we went for drinks there), we spent lots of Saturday evenings eating out/drinks and he took care of me, introduced me to any acquaintances/friends we met (instead of me just standing there), he protected me (not that I needed that but I appreciated him doing that), once we had been intimate he didn't pull away but our dating continued as naturally and we kept going out/doing things and sex was just a part of it. I just enjoyed every date we had and I concentrated on each date one at the time so I could observe him and see him for who he is (instead of a story/dream in my head) and as time passed and he was consistent with everything he did and how he treated me, I let myself be vulnerable and I let myself fall in love with him. I recognised he was different from early on as I got hit by this feeling of 'arriving home' that I had never experienced before but I took that as a sign that I should keep dating him and see where it goes. With my DH I really made conscious decision from the very beginning to take it day by day and really get to know him and be prepared to walk away if anything feels wrong. I didn't let my feelings cloud my judgement.