Difficult to end?

[Franny0696]

My husband and I have been together for 13 years married 5 and we are only 28. We have two kids also.

Over the past few years we have struggled massively financially (due to his work, different jobs etc) (I work also) to the point now I have had enough, we argue all the time over money, our sex life is non existent, he lies a lot and is NEVER here.

I do everything house wise, kids, etc. and when he gets home in the evening from work he sees the kids for an hour if that and he doesn't interact with them ie; play.

I have had enough, what's the point in me being with someone when I'm basically a single mum anyways just he's my third child!!

Today fine example which has caused a huge row;
He hasn't been "paid" in 2 months we are behind with our bills massively, he got a bit of money from his work last week of which he LENT to his friend who was due to pay it back yesterday (still waiting) I was furious as I said we do not have money to lend out when we are behind on bills and have no money for food etc. he was due to collect the cash this morning so I have been waiting round all morning so I can go shopping as no food in the house. He said he can send me £20 in the meantime, took the kids to the shop got bits for lunch and snacks, next door is a charity shop and we picked up a little pram for the kids for £2. He went mental at me for buying a pram for £2 saying oh it could of gone on food etc. I said yes but I already went in the shop got the goods and had a bit of change left so the kids got a pram not the end of the world.

We have had a massive row over it. I have bailed us out for months including my family helping out we have loads of outstanding bills that haven't been paid and he's kicking off over £2 when he lent out £300 to his friend when we needed it!

IM so angry I have had enough he's very narcissistic when it comes to money, considering he hasn't paid 1 bill in 3 months.

I've plucked up the courage and told him it's best if we just mutually agree it's not working we are both unhappy and it's not working and not fair on the kids. He would spend more time with them if we wasn't together then now as he relies on me for everything.

Any advise?

I agree with you OP.
What was his reaction when you told him? Did he agree with you ?

@Myfavouriteflowers he has replied saying don't be with me then couldn't care less.

Got my answer I think.

I think you have OP.
What a horrible dismissive reply after a 13 year relationship. And to the mother of his children too.

It sounds like he hasn't been contributing financially very much anyway. So it sounds like you will manage financially on your own.
Arrange to see a solicitor about divorce - most solicitors will give you 30 mins of free advice.
If you are in rented accommodation if not already see if you can transfer the tenancy to your name only.
Once your STBXH has somewhere to stay arrange for him to collect his belongings. Come to an arrangement over him seeing the children. Take one step at a time basically.
Good Luck.

@Myfavouriteflowers he can he very nasty like that.

@CowGirl19 thank you, not sure where to even start

He sounds awful OP and has treated you horribly. What I say next doesn’t excuse him at all, but it’s worth considering if you’re in this situation again.

I wouldn’t have spent money on a toy when you could only cobble together £20 and have no food in the house.

As a rule of thumb, I never rely on getting money back from friends on time so I wouldn’t have been counting on it to feed me and my kids. The money you spent on the pram, could have been put towards tomorrow’s food.

£2 doesn’t buy much but it would have got you a loaf of bread which would feed you all for a day.

I think your husband went mad over ‘just £2’ for exactly this reason. And I don’t think it was in itself an overreaction.

@StormingNorman yeah I totally get that, I get it I do, but the thing that's annoying if it was my money who brought the toy for £2 no eyelid would of be batted but because it's his it's the end of the world.

I think he’s panicking about money. It’s a bit late in the day after he lent his mate £300 but that may be his last 20.

£2 is a lot if that’s all that’s left to feed you all though isn’t it? As someone else has said £2 could have been a loaf of bread, pack of pasta and a jar of pasta sauce at Aldi, if you need it.

Remember though you say he’d see the kids more if you weren’t together- that’s probably not true. If he doesn’t bother with them now then he’s unlikely to when you split and unfortunately there’s absolutely nothing you can do to force him to see them or have them, it would be 100% on you to look after them full time if he chose not to bother.

NOPE let's not castigate OP over £2 when she was promised £300 this morning.

When she has supported him financially for months.

Fuck that.

@VotesForWomen thank you, I was absolutely shocked for his to react that way, I understand we don't have the money at the moment, but he shouldn't go crazy at me when he lent money out without my say so

I doubt that he lent money to some friend. He probably blew it on something stupid.

Get rid of him, op. You should have ages ago.

Promised £300 dependant on a friend repaying money on time. It wasn’t a guaranteed payment.

And all the previous support counts for nothing when you have £20 to your name and kids to feed.

Well everyone, let's just say him kicking off at me over £2 was all very narcissistic!!

When found a receipt he spend £15 at kfc yesterday 1 hour after he went mental at me.

Confirmed everything for me tbh. Appaz he got the money from his mate and paid it in but hasn't gone in. Lies lies lies. Sick of it

Why hasn’t he been paid for 2 months? Is he not actually working but just doing jobs ‘on the side’?

@Notamum12345577 he has been working for a company but they haven't had the money to pay their staff awful

Are you sure he hasn't got drug or gambling problem? Sounds like lies and excuses addicts come up with.