I've been married for 26 years and I have 4 children. I recently discovered my husband has an only fans account and has been watching and paying for gay porn for the last 2 years. I became suspicious when he would always have his old cell phone charging. This phone does not have a land line, but is connected to the WIFI. So one day when he went to work, i went looking for the other cell phone. At first I could not find it. Red Flag!.... I said to myself, Why would he hide it, if there is nothing to hide.
Next day I went searching hard for it. Boom! I found it. My heart was pounding, i knew that there was going to be something that i wasn't happy with. I open up the phone.... I went to his browser and there was the only fans account. He didn't close it and I was able to see all the gay porn video content he was purchasing. I went to transaction history on the only fans account and I saw when he opened the account and all his purchases, totaling about $700.00. I couldn't believe it. I cried so hard. I was shaking. I didn't want to get to emotional. I didn't want my kids to notice anything was wrong. Then I start thinking.... omg is my husband gay, did he marry because he is ashamed of coming out and afraid his family would not accept it. Then I start thinking about our sex life. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest since the kids. There were months we haven't had sex. I felt neglected. Stupid me. So while I was on his other phone, I said to myself, let me check his Instagram account. I went to his following and I saw he was following gay men. Another stab in my heart. Then I went to his Instagram messages and ..... i couldn't believe what I found. There was a DM message to a male massage therapist, who not only gives massages, but happy endings as well! OMG I was soooo shocked, hurt, betrayed. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I still have the chat imprinted in my head and I cant stop thinking about it. My husband asked the guy what kind of Happy Ending and he replied FUCK and BLOW . I cant believe he would do this to me and ruin our beautiful family. In the chat between my husband and guy it ended where the so called massage therapist didn't take my husbands form of payment which was cash. The massage guy said he didn't take cash.
After seeing this, i lost it! This motherf***! All these years 26 years! I was a wonderful mother, wife and daughter-in-law. I gave him my ALL. How can he do this to me. I called him screaming, telling him what I found and he came home from work crying saying that he never went for the massage guy and would have never gone, that he was to scared. And he was stupid for it. I then also told him i know about the only fans account and he was like its just porn and made it like its no bid deal. Since then , He deleted everything and regrets what he did. He said he was bored and the porn took him into this dark place. He feels terrible for hurting me and is mad at himself. When I asked him if he is gay or bi, he says he is not gay and that he is straight. He was just curious. After his discovery our sex life has been amazing. He is trying to make it up to me. But I still have it in my head. Im trying to move forward. Its just hard. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist for help. I feel like Im always going to have the question in my head.. is he gay or bi. What do you think?