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Original poster

Can't work him out

27 replies

LittleMissPeaches · 15/08/2024 18:54

This guy has been trying to get a date with me for over a year. I finally gave in 3 months ago.

First date went amazing, he was lovely, caring I met his friends later etc.
He didn't show up for the planned second date with no contact prior, I then heard off him, believed the excuse he gave and replanned. He showed up, exactly as the first date we still hit it off.
Third date went the same.
My issue is he doesn't contact me very often, it's almost like he talks the talk when we are together but can't walk the walk. I'm very guarded as a person from past hurt so I might not be giving off the right vibes but I just feel something is off. I'm used to having communication if someone wants to pursue something with you, not left for 3 days at a time. My friend seems to think he's treading very carefully with me not to push me away as I come across very confident and independent (it's all a front as I'm quite vulnerable).
Any advice?

OP posts:
NotAgainWilson · 15/08/2024 18:57

I’m not trying to be mean but a year? Really? Kindly, he is not interested… at all.

BCBird · 15/08/2024 18:58

Don't waste ur energy trying to. Relationships should not be that hard.

Original poster
LittleMissPeaches · 15/08/2024 18:59

NotAgainWilson · 15/08/2024 18:57

I’m not trying to be mean but a year? Really? Kindly, he is not interested… at all.

He has tried to get a date with me for over a year but I wouldn't go.
I finally gave in 3 months ago and this is now where I am with it so only been 3 months really

OP posts:
IAmJohnMajor · 15/08/2024 19:03

Maybe he just liked the chase. 😔

But as pp said, if it's hard work already I'd be cooling off rapidly myself never mind what he's thinking.

Or talk to him, if you've known him a year before the date, maybe you can talk and see if your friends theory is right. If it is he'd be keen to get it right.

But, it's not great to be second guessing already.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 15/08/2024 19:03

Men are not complicated creatures. He’s not interested.

BananaLambo · 15/08/2024 19:04

Don’t try to second guess men. The most likely reason is the simplest one - i.e. he’s not that into you. Maybe he enjoyed the thrill of the chase and now that’s over he’s lost interest. Don’t message him and see if he takes the initiative. If he doesn’t just let the relationship die a death. If he does, dump him, because he’s treating you as an afterthought.

NotAgainWilson · 15/08/2024 19:05

I am eagerly awaiting for other people to reply as I really don’t know.

In my book, if they are showing interest but are unable to arrange a time to meet within 2 weeks for the first date, I assume they don’t care enough/are seeing someone else.

Having said that… I just had 8 dates over 2 weeks with a guy who seemed very keen and we really had a great time but out of the blue has said I am not the one for him 🤷‍♀️

SamW98 · 15/08/2024 19:08

Like others it sounds like the thrill of the chase excited him more than the prize at the end. And once he’d got you, that was the end of the thrill for him.

Have you had sex with him?

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 19:14

Maybe your bitch shield scared him off.

Olika · 15/08/2024 19:20

Just forget about him. If he was interested for real he would make it happen and stay in touch.

StormingNorman · 15/08/2024 19:31

He liked the chase but now he’s not that interested. I’d just move on from this one.

Original poster
LittleMissPeaches · 15/08/2024 19:39

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 19:14

Maybe your bitch shield scared him off.

This one made me giggle. I can actually be quite savage and brutal in a jokey way. It does take a certain type of person to get my humour and not take any notice so quite possibly

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMissPeaches · 15/08/2024 19:40

SamW98 · 15/08/2024 19:08

Like others it sounds like the thrill of the chase excited him more than the prize at the end. And once he’d got you, that was the end of the thrill for him.

Have you had sex with him?

No not yet. I was planning on giving in but second guessed it

OP posts:
Flibflobflibflob · 15/08/2024 19:41

Honestly in my experience if you have to spend time working something out about a bloke it will usually end in you investing a lot of energy and it all turning out badly anyway. Let this one go.

dreamingtoomuch · 15/08/2024 19:45

Hmm sounds like he enjoyed the chase and is now taking it leisurely. Also you don't know how many other women he may have been trying to get a date with over the last year. I hope it's not a case of he chases, you aren't that keen and now he's backed off you're going to be chasing him. Don't let it get to that stage. Just leave it, don't contact and wait for him. If a man wants a woman, he will chase, trust me. He's not scared of your confidence. He wasn't before when he tried for a year and now you have accepted, he shouldn't have any reason to fear your confidence.

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 20:14

So the third date was good? It was just the second he didnt show up?

Perhaps he wants to stay mean and moody, by cutting down the texting. Im surprised he's not chasing the sex more though, as its usually after that they lose interest.

BananaLambo · 15/08/2024 20:19

Ahh, you’re not having sex with him after 3 months. That’s probably why he’s gone off the boil. How many dates have you had in that time?

BinkyBeaufort · 15/08/2024 20:21

It sounds as though his ego was wounded (such fragile creatures male egos), and the only way for him to heal it was to pester you until you gave in.
Now he's proved to himself that you were wrong to reject him he's lost interest.
Ignore further approaches, it'll do his head in.

Original poster
LittleMissPeaches · 15/08/2024 21:04

BananaLambo · 15/08/2024 20:19

Ahh, you’re not having sex with him after 3 months. That’s probably why he’s gone off the boil. How many dates have you had in that time?

We have only had 3 dates. He works away too so it's been slightly difficult

OP posts:
WandsOut · 15/08/2024 21:13

He liked the chase and now he's cooled off. Missing the second date was telling.
How quickly did it get physical?

I'm sorry, it must feel really confusing and frustrating :(

WandsOut · 15/08/2024 21:16

Sorry just saw that you held off. Good for you!

Just casually let it slip away for now. Don't contact him for a bit and let yourself drift into a better place.

Sinderalla · 16/08/2024 02:49

It was the thrill of the chase x

HoppityBun · 16/08/2024 02:54

Flibflobflibflob · 15/08/2024 19:41

Honestly in my experience if you have to spend time working something out about a bloke it will usually end in you investing a lot of energy and it all turning out badly anyway. Let this one go.

Edited

Yes!

Bellsandthistle · 16/08/2024 03:24

Not everyone is into texting several times a day, maybe he doesn’t realise you expect more or is trying not to seem needy. Does he leave you on read? Trust your gut.

DatingDinosaur · 16/08/2024 06:51

OP - all this talk of "giving in" sounds like it's you who was enjoying being chased and now you've "given in" it's no longer a thrill.

It doesn't sound like you've come to terms with the past trauma you've experienced yet and are still in protect and deflect mode.