He left me and I’m broken

[Lucia1991]

Hi new here , don’t know who else to turn too💔 me and my fiancé had been together nearly two years and he’s decided to leave. I’m so confused and heart broken he promised me the world he said he wanted to marry me have a family promised me the perfect world. One disagreement and he packed his things and left. My baby is just 6 months old he left last Friday and by Sunday is already on dating apps. This pain is killing me he only told me he loved me that morning he left and talking about another child hoping it was a boy I feel lost and so down

That sounds awful for you OP.
What was the disagreement about that prompted him to walk out?

I’m so sorry OP. What did you argue about?

If he's already on dating apps, then I think he's showing you who he really is. It's one thing to have a row and storm out but his behaviour sounds immature and unpleasant. I know you feel broken and I'm truly sorry but what's your relationship been like generally?

It does sound very sudden and dramatic. What was the disagreement over, something quite serious or just a general run of the mill thing.

Ah, I'm sorry you're going through this. But he has shown his true colours. You and your baby will be fine and get through this. What a shit.

Tell everyone, do not try to 'protect' him - he's not trying to protect you. Reach out to family, friends and, if necessary, your GP. Time to put yourself and your baby first.

You can always talk to the Samaritans in confidence on 116 123, day or night.

It doesn't matter what the disagreement was about - it's overshadowed by the fact that he has jumped onto dating apps within a matter of days.

This says a lot about him. It's understandable to maybe need a little cool off period after a disagreement but I suspect he's had a wandering eye all along or was never fully committed to have moved on so quickly. Unless your relationship has been in turmoil and under threat of collapsing for a while, what he's done is not a normal reaction.

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and are going through this but it sounds as if you will be better off without him.

the relationship was amazing at the beginning he was so loving told me all the right things wanted to move in very quickly 3 months after getting together pregnant 2 months after moving in. He proposed the year after we got together. I thought he genuine loved me he told me I was his soul mate I felt a genuine connection. Red flags looking back now there was lots however I was pregnant and wanted a family for my daughter. When I was pregnant I could he had sent explicit pics to other women, he was going out with his friends once a week which at first I wasn’t happy with however compromised aslong as he came home at a reasonable time he would promise to come home and wouldn’t stroll in until 4/5am the next morning. He would compliment me all the time everytime I asked if this is what he really wanted he would say yes I’m the love of his life. He was only planning for us to go to Venice in a few months my head is totally messed up. The argument was I was feeling low and lonely with him being at work all day which of corse he needed to do this is the day he left after telling him how I felt he cuddled me told me he loved me . Then he said I might go out tonight after me breaking down to him so naturally I felt upset he said I’m over reacting said he was off to his mums for a few days space next minute he’s packed all his stuff and is never coming back. Since then he’s been cold saying he wants 50;50 custody of our daughter bearing in mind she’s 6 months old I don’t think this is in her best interests at such a young age .

Your relationship was a bit of a whirlwind. You had your life mapped out while you were still in the honeymoon phase so it’s easy to miss/ignore the red flags.

Inappropriate relationships with other women sound like a constant throughout your relationship though so I’m not sure I would want him back in your shoes.

I’d start thinking practically about finances, housing and a custody arrangement. At 6 months, he’s not going to get 50/50.

Have you looked at the CMS calculation?

Well given your update OP.you are well rid of him. He was cheating with other women online and getting up to goodness what on his nights out. All whilst telling you things you wanted to hear about actually loving you.
You need to get yourself legal advice OP.
Very hard for you with your DD being so young but you will be better off without him.

My head knows I’m better off without him it’s my heart I feel absolutely crushed. How can anyone be so cold and cruel. I gave him everything stood by him at his worst he had nothing well still has nothing but I always saw the good in him when no one else did. He had a gambling addiction that he hid then he admitted I helped him stop however I’m sure he will be back at it now I just feel like I have so much in this relationship all I wanted was to be made a priority that’s not a lot to ask for. I feel stupid such an idiot I should of left when I found the things in his phone however he begged and cried said he was sorry and I believed him 💔 I also told him it was all moving way too quick however he kept telling me why wait when he knows I’m the one he wants to spend his life with when I said to slow down he would say things like you don’t love me then or I may as well leave 🥺

Op I'm so sorry.
I have been through similar with a love bomber who left me just before our baby was born. He's since been a nightmare and got a new girlfriend in a matter of weeks that he's now moved in with and taking our boy to meet regularly. He's also reinvented history and is on a fathers for justice parade when really I've helped them build a relationship and put my own feelings aside.
My recommendations are - ask your gp to refer you to counselling. Get as much help as you can to heal. Focus on you and taking care of yourself and your mind and body. Know you did your best and it's not your fault. Be hopeful there is happiness and a great life out there for you and your baby and you'll feel like your old self again one day. Unfollow him from any social media. Get a schedule for when he takes baby, get an email address that's just for him and have no correspondence with him at all no matter how much you're hurting other than arrangements for baby over email. Seek your healing elsewhere not from him.

Oh goodness, you have been through it haven’t you. You really need to trust your gut and stick to it.
tou have t been anymore foolish than anyone else has been. We all do things and out up with things we shouldn’t at times. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Learn from it.
create a better future for you and your baby.

I don't think k this matters I think n he was spoiling for a fight and looking for an excuse to bolt

I agree. Tell his family and friends. But don't expect them to stay on your side for long or trust them.

He wants this so he doesn't have to pay child maintenance. Not a chance. Register with child maintenance today.

Join single mums uk on. Facebook it's a good community

Op, this man is absolute shit and you know it. Him leaving is the best thing that's ever happened to you and you are not "broken." Be strong for your child.

I agree

He sounds really dramatic and exhausting. You’re better off without him. You’ll meet someone more stable and mature in the future but focus on you and your baby for now.

You jumped into this relationship so quickly OP without knowing him. What he has shown you he’s unreliable and selfish and a gambling womaniser.

Your loyalty needs to be to your Self and your child. Change the locks and mute him. Is he on your lease, you need to separate any ties to him as soon as possible.
Apply for CMS , and any benefits you are eligible.
Be prepared for him to try slithering back if he thinks it cheaper to butter you up than pay CMS, don’t fall for him again. One child with a loser is enough.

I think it gives a lot of context as to his personality, how he views OP and their family and his commitment to the relationship.

I knew the relationship was very quick but he said all the right things I genuinely thought it was real that we were soul mates as he said. He’s coming to get his daughter today and my stomach is in knots everytime I see him I find it extremely hard to keep it together. I feel absolutely awful that I believed him because he was so good at telling me how we are going to have a perfect family and that we will have a sibling for our daughter I thought we were on the same page we would finish each others sentences everything we were literally the same person in the opposite gender with the same goals and everything he said he wanted a family I gave him one I stuck by him through everything ! My world has been ripped apart and the thought of seeing him with someone new is killing me

Hey how are you all not sure if you will see this message as I have no idea how to navigate this site . However since the break up a lot has happened he’s decided he’s taking me to court however I highly doubt it. I have never stopped him seeing his child he texts and all but once I’ve agreed when he wanted her. He now says he is getting his own place tomorrow and wants our daughter overnight. I’m hesitant as she’s never been away from me she is very attached to me at the moment crying when I live the room etc. we have a well established routine I said to him I’d like her that used to the new place first and at the moment when that has been done I would agree to one overnight stay per week ? He agreed but then changed his mind later on. The way he has emotionally abused me I’m worried he will have an affect on our child ? I’m trying to keep this at my child’s best interest going on her age and I think one overnight stay per week at the moment as well as him having her for the day a couple of times on top ? He used our child more as a possession saying things such as I will have her and you can see her half the time. If we would fall out whilst together he would straight away take hold of her,also last night knowing she is going to bed and he says he’s coming to see her she has his last name he can see her when he likes ? Bearing in mind this was at 8.20pm.

Have you followed any of the advice given OP ? Applied for CMS , had him taken off your lease etc?
He seems very unpredictable
No doubt he has realised the cost implications of paying for his child and is trying to cut the bill by “overnights”.
Stop engaging. He’s full of empty promises and hot air