When to call quits.

[Amazingday]

DP and I have been together for 2.5 years. We live 40 mins commute from each other. My work is close to where I live and so is his. We both have busy and stressful jobs, but made time to see each other few times a week. We have to plan and it was never an issue.

I lived at his for a few months as moving house and needed out of the chain. It didn’t go well. Lots of factors from both sides and equally to blame, but stress and exhaustion played a massive part. I moved to my house and we split up for a month.

We got back together and agreed boundaries. He had went to GP and was diagnosed with depression and stress. He is managing the depression but stress is from his workload. His work is unsupportive and it’s effecting our relationship.

we both do hobbies one day a week and try to see our own friends weekly. This leaves 5 days to see each other. We agreed to see each other 3 times a week when we got na k together.

weekly he will cancel a day as he has last minute deadlines. When k see him he is tired (only sleeps 4 hrs a night), so time is not much quality. Sex is infrequent as he is so tired. He will not cancel his hobby. I have not been to his house since we have been back together and I suspect he has not told many people we have been together again for 4 months. His reason for me not going round is I live 5 mins from his work so easier all
round and his house is a mess.

it’s getting to the point I don’t feel I am in a relationship. Plans get made and cancelled by him as he is busy with work. I am starting to think it’s an excuse. I do know he is busy as he is showing me his requests and he is sleep deprived and generally not looking after himself.

I have chatted to him about our future and if this will change. Told him I have a feeling he doesn’t care about me and I am not a priority. He says its just a tough patch at work, but it’s been like this for months. We broke up because he couldn’t tell me about his stress and my feelings above, but he does now and says if he is not seeing me, he is working or at hobby. Between seeing him he doesnt contact me much, he says it’s cause he is tired and snoozing or busy. This is Making me feel unimportant. For bank holiday I asked to make plans and was told he cant think as too busy. So I made my own plans as not waiting about.

we are going round in circles. I love him and he does love me. Do I wait this out!

If it’s not working and you didn’t gel well living together, it’s probably not going to go the distance. I don’t think it should be this hard ? Certainly not at this stage?

Take it from a work widow…it’s not situational and it will never calm down enough for him to have a good work/life balance.

My workaholic and I get on really well and enjoy our time together. That’s what makes it work for us. If we didn’t enjoy living together and had to squeeze regular date nights into his diary it would fizzle out pretty quickly.

@Mumlaplomb it did work well. Living together was not great as I didn’t like his area. Too far a commute and my mum died suddenly so lost my support system or friends. It’s the perfect stressor, I wasn’t in a great place and he wasn’t either.

when we see each other it’s great. But when is the question. I feel an option, he says I am not and I am his priority after work. But work is taking over.

OP - if I’m right you’ve started numerous threads agonising about making this work and you don’t seem to be any further forward.

Is it really worth the stress and angst this causes you? He doesn’t prioritise you - it’s time to shut the door for good and stop keep flogging this dead horse of a relationship

Is it really worth the hassle? He won’t make time for you, that’s the bottom line

There's no future movement or plan, so there's no point really. You are stagnant and just coasting. I thought your tale sounded familiar, except you've changed your tune and convinced yourself this time that the troubles of living together were half yours, whereas at the time, it sounded far more down to him. I think overall you are making excuses for him being boring, when really, that's just how he is, quite dull by the sounds of it, no fun at all.