How many exes is too many?

[mauvish]

I recently found out that my ex had remarried, so was on wife no. 4. (Mind you, none of the previous marriages lasted all that long so she may be ex no.4 by now, with wife no.5 in the offing!)

I was his second wife and I think that's fine; if you excluded from the dating pool everyone who'd gone through a divorce, you'd write off huge numbers of people!

But in fact second marriages have a lower long term success rate than first marriages; so maybe third and subsequent marriages are less successful still.

I personally wouldn't commit to someone who's been divorced twice or more, but that's just me. (I wouldn't rule out a relationship, but I wouldn't commit legally). (And if they were all, according to the man, "psycho wives" or "ex wives from hell" or had unspecified "mental health problems", I'd be even more wary!)

What would be your feelings if you met someone who had 2 or more ex-wives?

My DP has 2 ex wives and a long term ex partner. Makes no difference to me. He did say he’d be a bit embarrassed to get married again and say the same vows in front of many of the same people, but I reckon I could twist his arm! I’ve only been married once and had a 10 year relationship which involved a fumbled proposal. Would happily marry again.

I have been both sides. Exh had 2 exes with which he had dc.. Then inserted themselves into our business at every opportunity..
My now dh is dh number 4. He has never had any 'interventions' or encounters with any of my exes...
He also never judged me..

I think everyone should be allowed one 'freebie', but while it wouldn't be a total deal breaker I'd be wary of a man with two or more ex wives tbh.

I question what the purpose is of keeping remarrying.

We all had idealistic views of "together forever" on the first, maybe for the second "the first was unlucky / just a bad choice".

After that, we know these things don't last for us? Why go through the hassle?

An acquaintance is on wife number 4 and he’s also had 3 fiancées inbetween wives. Hrs a great bloke to have a laugh down the pub with but wouldn’t date him in a million years.

Personally one divorce is fine bit more than that I’d have to have a hard think. 3 or more and that’s a huge no

I know what you're saying.

I have a relative who is on wife number 5.
We've stopped going to the weddings.

I only believe in getting married once and I don't believe in divorce so for me, any amount is too many. This is for partly religious and partly cultural reasons.

Some men marry. Others are so bad they don’t even get to marriage. I’d definitely be wary if someone had more than 2-3 long term relationships at my age

I met my partner when I was 35 and he was 38. He'd been married twice (had a child with the first and the second lasted 10 years). Nothing dodgy about him and we've been together 16 years. All depends on the person, especially if you get married young the first time. I wouldn't be quick to judge or discount someone for this reason alone.

I am on Husband no2 and no matter what happens there will never be a third.

My mum has been married five times and lived with one in between those. She has very poor boundaries, and has only stayed in this last marriage because she's 77 now and knows if she does, she's more likely to be on her own than not. As her daughter, this behaviour is a massive red flag. I've been married once and am not sure I could do it again key alone 5 times, so I'd be massively wary of anyone who was in that situation.

Me too.

I have a (f) friend who is engaged to husband no 5.

I have no idea what makes her think this one will work. I guess some women just can't live without a man!

" Second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience " Oscar Wilde

Definition of insanity- doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

My parents were together 32 years, only ended due to my mums death 14 years ago. Dad will never remarry, said he couldn't ever love or commit to anyone else like my mum, she was his only ever girlfriend, together since 15. He doesn't even really date.
Partners mum is on husband number 4 (with atleast 1 other engagement that didn't end in marriage) and it's not a happy marriage. She thinks she's too old to leave and start again, plus wouldn't cope financially as can't work due to ill health, but can't claim anything as has a small private pension but not even close enough to live off. His dad was husband 2, and he's never remarried or been engaged again.
All are early 60's.

It's given me and partner very different views on marriage. He was engaged and had a baby in his early 20's but she cheated and left. We're both now early to mid 30's, and i really want to marry one day. I see it as the ultimate commitment to make it legally binding and recognised, and want to "officially" be a family with a shared last name, and a legal recognition as stepmum to his lovely DC (i can't have my own) where as he sees it as an unnecessary piece of paper that isn't needed to prove his love and commitment.

I definitely think our experiences have massively influenced our own feelings of marriage, with my parents displaying a "forever" commitment, and his showing it as not that big of a commitment actually that you do on a whim and can just end and move on to the next like it's not a big deal.

It probably won't be a dealbreaker if he does refuse to ever marry, but i would very much prefer to get married.

This is what I don't understand at all. I also can't imagine what it's like to say the same words and vows again even after one failed marriage, it's just makes them meaningless. And so often it's in front of the same guests who heard you say it all the first time! Often these subsequent marriages are big weddings too.
None of my friends or family have remarried, all have long stable marriages, there's only actually been one divorce in my extended family, not sure why, not religious or anything, maybe luck or we're good at choosing.
I wouldn't consider a relationship with someone who'd been divorced even once, you never get the full picture, have no idea why people marry someone who's been previously married 2 or 3 times and somehow think that they're "the one".