What would you do?

[Wvutr22]

What would you do if your husband took you away on a city break and didn’t even kiss you once? Never mind anything else. What would you do if this wasn’t a one off, but a pattern throughout your whole relationship? What would you do when you realise that the lack of intimacy is having a terrible impact on your mental health? Even though he’s an excellent partner and dad to our kids in all other ways? Would it be worth leaving him? Or do I need to suck it up for the sake of the children and resign myself to a life of little to no sex and no affection?

That’s not a relationship and it must feel very hurtful and rejecting. If that happened to me I’d assume there was a major issue. And I’d ask what the problem is how come you won’t kiss me. Did you try to kiss him at any point?

I was in your position and I left ... I'm now with a man who showers me in affection and whilst I'm now 'poor' in a money sense ( exh was a high earner) I feel happier, content and that the person I'm with actually wants to be with me.

I have dc, dc who now understand what affection is... dd5 will tell anyone who listens how mummy's boyfriend loves to cuddle her and how loved mummy is etc.

Me and exh lived like best friends and I had a very ok life I just really ultimately needed the affection that I was never going to get from him - ex also understands this but he will tell you himself it's not something he wanted so we are better off ( and happier!) separate

How is he an excellent partner?

I’d find that impossibly difficult. You must be so lonely. When you’re on your deathbed will you wish you’d sacrificed yourself like this or taken a chance on finding love, passion, excitement?

Lancastercourt that’s made me cry because that’s how it is. Our life is ok too. But I just feel so down about it all. I’ve given up trying to initiate anything because I’m sick of the knock backs. I think I know what the answer is, I’m just too scared to end it.

He’s a brilliant dad and the housework/family work is divided 50/50. He is thoughtful and kind in other ways, but it just feels like a friendship rather than a marriage.

He can be a brilliant dad to them without being married to you!

I assume you’ve tried talking to him, what’s the issue his end? Were things ever great and if so when did they change?

Be your own best friend here and make plans to leave him. You do not want to be in this same position in 10 years time.

Women in poor relationships also write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

Your children cannot afford to learn that an affection less marriage is at all acceptable. Do not stay in a marriage for the sake of the children, they won’t say thanks mum to you for doing so. They also cannot and must not be used as the glue here to bind you and he together. Do not ever be afraid to move on with your own life. Divorce is not failure, living in unhappiness is.

its more bloody scary to merely exist like you are now rather than breaking free of a marriage where you and he are basically platonic flatmates.

As noone else has asked - Did you kiss him?

I mean if this was actually happening to me in my own marriage, I'd talk to him first and try and establish if this was a problem that could be fixed, or if he's genuinely content and happy like this. If the latter I'd have to leave. I simply can't live without cuddles and kisses and intimacy from my significant other. I'd rather be single!

If he's a good dad and does his fair share, he can continue to do that without being in a relationship with you.