Sorry, English is my third language. Thank you so much in advance for your input/advice.
My childhood was terrible, dad abuse mom, then mom take out her anger and abuse me. In my adulthood, been with my husband it just so foreign to me, I never have good male role models in my childhood, and it just hard for me to adapt to my husband "norm" instead of the norm that I grow up with and know all my life, and it hard for me to grasp him, like try to understand him from his view his positions.
If you can help me with this, this is something I'm trying to understand more about my husband. Whether he enable me? Or he just so good at diffuse conflict situation? which in this case is my tantrums.
My husband won't fight with me, he enable me instead.
Trying to understand him more. And is there a way to change him?
Together 14 years, married 12 years, no kids. I know I was very wrong on throw tantrums at him, this was my fault and I admit I was wrong and I have stop throwing tantrums. I know my husband loves me and sacrifice alot for me, but sometimes I do feel that he is an enabler.
Example, I don't do it anymore but I used to, there were times when I throw tantrum, I just grab a cup of water or tea on the dinner table, of I go to kitchen faucet and fill up a jar or container of tap water. And I told him I will throw it in his face, I just said that for the heck of throw tantrum.
He is so so patience, he said he will stand there, he won't move, and let me throw water at him as many times I want until I'm SATISFY. I was just throw tantrum and I had a container of water in my hand as I fill it in the kitchen sink with tap water.
omg,
He so serious and INTENSE, he grabbed my hand throw the container of water in his face, yep. he grabbed my hand and throw the water all in his own face. He grabbed my hand and throw the water in his OWN FACE.
He said to me that he meant what he said, whenever I want to throw water at him, he'll do it himself he will throw it in face as many times until I'm SATISFY. He emphasize the word until I'm SATISFY.
My jaw drop, speechless, at the time I was still trying to process what just happened, he so intense.
You tell me, how can I fight with him if he like this?
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Another example, I used to when I get mad I slam everything that on the kitchen table all down the kitchen hardwood floor, dinner plates, fruits, ice tea, glass cups on the table, I slam it all down. Broken dinner plates, broken glass on the kitchen floor.
He not even mad,
he picked me up and carried me in his arms and put me on the living room sofa, he told me sit here wait for him and let him clean it all up, because he not want me to step on those broken glass.
He not even mad, he just quietly kneel down on his knee and pick up all the stuff I slam down (he skinny but very tall he 190cm so he had to kneel in order to pick all those stuff I slam down up).
He won't argue or fight with me. He just diffuse the situation in this case my tantrum.
He clean it all up, and he came calmly talk to me, he said I can slam it as many times as I want until I'm SATISFY, he emphasize the word until I'm satisfy, and he will clean it all up.
My was speechless. I no longer do it, I know I was wrong, and it just not work with him.
We just don't fight, how can we fight if he like this?
He does dotes on me, but I feel that he enable me out of love me, is there a way to change him? As I do not know how other than I have stop throw tantrums at him.