Hi,
I am 31 weeks pregnant, last week I ended things with my partner, we already have an 18 month old and although we planned this pregnancy my mental health came crashing down by 8 weeks in.
I have been as proactive as possible to keep going for the sake of my toddler, on sertraline, keeping in touch with Drs, Midwives, tried for perinatal mental health (they said I didn't meet criteria) and as a result started private counselling a couple months ago which is going really well.
Whilst I have done everything to keep going, my partner hasn't been able to willing to be a supportive partner, hasn't been able to show he cares or be loving or just simply do the bare minimum a partner can do, I've felt like I've been very much alone in this pregnancy. However, he is a very good parent and although he doesn't meet my needs in a relationship, I think he sees parenting as a way of helping me and our relationship, not just his duty / role in the first place.
After battling my feelings for the past 6 months, trying to get through to him what I need etc, I have ended things after a civil conversation which clarified he's basically never going to give me what I need in our relationship, he stated we are parents now and I need to adjust my expectations (expectations are occasional quality time or a date, being shown he cares about me). Essentially he will prioritise work, our son and his own alone time / hobbies but thinks it's unreasonable to prioritise the relationship right now. It was difficult to work out whether my feelings were pregnancy and hormone related or just the relationship not working and I didn't want to rush any decisions, but as my mental health has improved, it has been clear to me that this is just my relationship and the relationship has had a negative affect on my mental health during this pregnancy too. Also through counselling I have learnt to accept that it is reasonable to want to be cared for in a relationship as well as be caring (I am a very caring person but I grew up in a situation where all I did was give and never got the love / care back, I am dealing with how this has affected me now).
Now I'm 31 weeks pregnant and just in a difficult situation. We are currently still living together, as when I previously asked for a break for a week, all parenting defaulted to me and he had him one night, I just know that at this stage of my pregnancy I would struggle with that, particularly as I have struggled through this whole pregnancy. We haven't worked out any logistics and I know I will need help with a toddler and newborn and I want him to be able to bond properly with our new baby. But it's a struggle as in a usual break up, I would have more space to process feelings and move on. Although, without the feeling that he's not giving me what I need as a partner (cause he's no longer my partner) I feel less sad, resentful and it's very civil as a result. Of course I still have moments of sadness where I wish he could just make the effort and make this work but ultimately he won't and I know if this relationship carries on it will become toxic and make co-parenting in future harder.
Anyway, I guess it feels nice to put this out there and ask for any help / tips advice for generally transitioning from relationship to co-parenting effectively. And specifically if anyone has any tips or advice navigating a break up during pregnancy/ early newborn stages, logistics etc. Anything really would be appreciated 🤷🏼♀️