This is so silly… I’ve woken up this morning having had yet another vivid dream about my ex boyfriend, who ended things over two years ago. I have struggled to get over him, and mornings like this have me close to tears again.
The back story is long and complicated, but basically we were on and off for seven years. From Day 1 I knew he was special, and over time I came to see him as the person I knew I wanted to spend my life with. There were challenges, but I actually enjoyed them, if that makes sense? Unlike all other relationships I’d ever had, I wanted to work through them because he and we meant so much to me. I found him interesting and funny and kind, I loved his company and he was, honestly, the sexiest man I’ve ever known. On the face of it he wasn’t the particularly gorgeous physically, but for some reason I’ve never been able to explain I was compulsively attracted to him. It was like some invisible chemical thing. I found him insanely hot to a degree I’ve never experienced elsewhere. In seven years it never went away even a little.
But it didn’t work out at his end. There were insurmountable difficulties, principally when his work meant he had to move away. In the end he ended it, and whilst we tried to be friends it was the worst six months of my life because he started seeing someone else and I didn’t know how to cope. So in the end we went no contact. That was December 2022.
Since then I can honestly say that I’ve thought of him every day. It’s a cliche about all the love songs reminding me of him, but they do. And most of the places I go and things I do. Last night, as happens from time to time, I had a very vivid dream about him and it’s fucked me up this morning.
How do people get over their ex-es? I have a full and busy life, friends, a job, activities etc. I have seen a couple of other men in the past 18 months but there’s just no comparison at all. The connection isn’t there. One became a bit of a FWB but it was just going through the motions rather than it being the genuine joy that it had been with my ex. With the new man, afterwards I felt shame and disappointment.
Maybe I need to give them (and things generally) more time but it’s been a while and it’s not getting better. Meanwhile I wonder all the time about my ex. I appreciate that each passing day is a day further from us knowing each other. And whenever I go anywhere I look around in vague terror wondering if he’ll be there.
Not really sure what I want from this post, but it’s good to write it down. Thanks to anyone who read it to the end.