@Anon129 129 Your posts are heartbreaking to read. Sorry my reply is long, I’ve taken some of the things you’ve said and commented on them. I hope seeing a lot of your comments in one post may bring home to you that it’s really time to do something. Everything I say is meant kindly so I hope you’re not offended by anything. You and your children should absolutely not be going through this. You seriously need serious help.
"He had been sending me mixed messages all day through text calling me sweetheart then being mean to me or ignoring me completely. I asked to have 10 minutes of his time to talk and he said no."
This sort of toxic behaviour causes huge mental issues. You end up not knowing whether you’re upside down or upright. 10 minutes is too much for the mother of his children to ask for. That is not how a decent father and partner behaves.
"He didn't ask if I was ok, just replied "why?" I understand it's totally my fault because I don't have trust in him and I do appreciate everything he does like working hard so I get to be a stay at home mum"
He doesn’t care about you, I’m afraid. He is highly narcissistic and is only able to care for himself. It is not your fault that you don’t have trust in him. He has you believing that somehow. You may appreciate him but he doesn’t appreciate you.
"He pinched a door last week when I saw the message from her on his computer (wasn't shopping he called me into his office to showe something and it was on the screen) I asked very calmly of I could see what's been said (therapist said to communicate) and he absolutely went mad and screaming and swearing at me punched a door and scared the kids. "
Behaviour like this is designed to frighten you into not pushing him again. You ask a simple question and end up in fear as a result. This is calculated and controlling and highly abusive.
"I have signed up for therapy again as I know this is my fault and I need to trust him but he blames me for everything."
Again, this is not your fault. You think this because he blames you for everything. He is wrong.
"I have him two examples and he flipped out swearing again and saying "yes that's right I'm an awful fxing person Iay as well end it now". "
That’s another thing narcissists do. There’s no in between, you say something that’s true and then they extend it to they’re the worst person in the world (sometimes threatening suicide – in which case call emergency services. It’s manipulation but if you fall for it it will happen again and again) and then you’re backtracking trying to explain yourself. But he doesn’t need explaining, he knows exactly what he is doing.
"Every time I hear my phone I get a mix of hope that it's him and anxiety in case it's him."
This is no way to live. You deserve so much more.
"This was unfortunately the one time they heard and got scared. I don't argue in front of them and I wasn't expecting him to react so angrily towards me asking to view his message. I shouldn't have asked and I wish I hadn't. "
You were entitled to ask, and he was entitled to refuse (even though he is a horrific abuser). But his extreme overreaction is completely unacceptable.
"I shouldn't have messaged him. I can't imagine life without him but he's made it clear he doesn't care about me. "
What happened to you in your past that you accept this? Somewhere along the line you were taught that you don’t matter and should accept whatever appalling treatment you receive at the hands of someone who unbelievably claims to love you.
"I feel like I maybe love bombing him? I know he's upset with me but I find myself begging him to talk to me and apologising. Is that me love bombing him?"
No it’s not love bombing, as someone already said, love bombing is a manipulative tool normally used by an abusive person (narcissist) in the early stages of a relationship.
"I just don’t want to split my time with my little girl. His parents do not like me and they would bad mouth my step daughters mother in front of her and bad mouth me to her to and I don’t want that to happen to my little girl"
That’s perfectly understandable. However this dreadful abusive man is ruining your mental health which will cause other damage to your little girl. She is growing up learning that this is how a mother is treated by the man who says he loves her, she is learning that this is what she has to expect and accept in her future relationships. This is a cycle coming from your past, and unless you change things, nothing is going to change.
"I don't know why him ignoring me about this is getting to me so much. And I keep going over and over what happened and blaming myself. I feel like I've been punched in the chest. I won't leave my home because it was mine first. It was my council home after my divorce and he encouraged me to buy it and now I wish I hadn't. "
Perhaps you’re finally getting to the point where you can’t tolerate any more. (For me my “mother” was my abuser.) It’s finally time to take action.
Can you get legal advice on your situation?
Please, as previously said, keep in touch with Women’s Aid. Your situation is horrendously abusive.