Last year I met a man during a social event with friends and after agreeing to meet again for a drink, I starting dating him. A nice man to start with, but after a while, things began to unravel. About two months into dating him, he arrived at my house one weekend as planned and immediately informed me that we didn't need to worry about the distance anymore, because he had just agreed to rent the house at the bottom of my street! This was alarm bell number one.
Despite my confusion at such a hasty decision. I gave things the benefit of the doubt and continued to see him.
As the weeks went by I began to realise that he had quite a few issues. It all came to a head when I realised this wasn't working for me and I mentioned not really wanting a serious relationship, in the hope that I could break things off gently while it was still in the early stages, but he flew off the handle and started shouting at me, complaining that he had given up everything for me and I would ruin his life if I left him! This was the biggest of alarm bells as we had only been dating for for about 4 months at this point. It was not a relationship. I hadn't agreed to be in one. We hadn't even spoken about it. We were simply going out for meals and had visited a few local beauty spots.
I'm quite a shy person who hates conflict and somehow he convinced me that I should keep seeing him. I think it was at this point that I realised he was quite controlling and potentially a threat to me and I wanted out.
I anxiously rode out the next few weeks but knew I had to end it before things got out of hand. But I started to become increasingly scared of him. So during a day trip out. I plucked up the courage and told him that I have really enjoyed the last few months but I am not in the right place for a relationship. He immediately lost it again. But I stood my ground. Once he realised my decision had been made, his reaction then turned from agressive guilt to threats.
He told me he would ruin my life for ruining his. He said he would make false allegations to my work to get me sacked. He threatened my elderly parents and threatened to kill my dog before storming off and leaving me and hour from home.
That evening after I finally got back home, I saw the police and an ambulance arrive at his house. He had dialled 999 and threatened to commit suicide, because of me!
The next morning he turned up at my front door crying, begging me to take him back. I explaiend to him that he wasn't with me to be taken back! We were only dating. And every time I said I'm sorry but I don't want to be with you, his behaviour changed and he began making threats against me, my property, my job and my parents, who he had only met once.
This went on for another three days and nights before I called the police. They visited his home and informed him that if he didn't leave me alone he would be arrested.
This seemed to have an impact at first. But then, two weeks later, I was hauled into the managers office at work as someone had sent an annonymous email complaining about me.
He then began emailing me at work threatening me of If I didn't reconsider and take him back. I told work what was happening but they didn't seem to care too much.
The emails continued every day and night for the next 3 weeks. They started off trying to make me feel guilty and then turn into threats. But eventually they stopped. But I then started to notice damage to my car at first, and then to my house. It started off as mud being thrown and also what looked like excrement on my car bonnet and windscreen and on my front door. Then I noticed scratches and little dents. I called the police again but they said there wasn't any proof it was him and advide me to get CCTV.
I decided to get a camera doorbell fitted. This seems to have had the desired effect. As the damage stopped. Unfortunately I never caught him in the act as he clearly saw I now had a camera.
Eight months down the road and he is still living at the end of my street. There are no longer any attempts to contact me. But he is always standing in his living room window staring at me when I walk passed. And he waits in his car in the morning for me to drive to work so he can drive right up behind me to intimidate me. He made a comment to one of my neighbours a couple of weeks ago saying that he will be renewing the tenanacy on the house he's renting in October because he wants to make sure I get whats comming too me!
When I was at my parents house recently, I noticed that someone has cut a hole in their garden fence and cut back the bushes to in oder to make the hole. I have now installed CCTV at my 77 and 82 year old parents house as I am taking the threat to them very seriously. I called the police to tell them again, but they said again there was no proof it was him.
To say I'm fed up of this is an understatement. Why is he sticking around? Why is he fixated with me after so little time? Is there anything I can do to get him to leave my street? Surely deliberately staying in a rented house just to intimidate and threaten someone is illegal.
I'm sick of feeling anxious all the time. How do I make this stop?
Ari.