DW and I have been together 15 years (married 8) with two DC. I feel we have a strong relationship but DW is unhappy with not living locally to her family and I’m not sure what to do.
We live near my family which is 80mins from DW family so near enough to visit monthly but not daily.
We live rural where cost of living is low, both have good jobs (mine niche, hers in demand) which are extremely flexible and allow plenty of family time. My family help a lot of childcare which is a godsend but we don’t socialise with them much in way of dinners, events etc. DW family are very social.
DW has a friendship group that she enjoys but isn’t as close with as her friends from back home. I live near my best friend and have a larger social group from a hobby but restrict socialising to one night per week.
DW takes one night to her self to do as she pleases (as no fixed hobby), sometimes she visits friends and sometimes she goes for walks etc. The rest of the evenings are in the house spent mostly together but some evenings we chill and do our own thing.
We have a wonderful quality of life and security but DW has made comments over the years about wishing my family were more like hers and being annoyed she doesn’t see them more (we visit maybe 15 times annually.
Recently she had an outburst about me not being proactive with house projects and other chores (we split things 50:50 but the quality of some tasks I do eg gardening irritates her). I’ve spent the last few weeks working to better this and she was pleased with the garden and my getting quotes/engaging more with house projects.
however, she has been quiet the last few days and admitted to being unhappy with being far from her family and in her words she feels bitter.
Im full of stress as I feel like the only thing that will make her happy is moving back near her family. However this will bring a reduction in quality of life in terms of smaller house and more sacrifices. I’m also worried it will be difficult for me to find a job and any job will likely mean lower pay, longer hours (and so less family time), poorer pension/benefits. DW has sought after job and will easily find a new one on same money.
I feel the ball is solely in my court and I don’t know where to start. DW seems happy and content 95% of the time but every 3 months has a few days of being annoyed and easily irritated. I hate seeing her unhappy WWYD?