BETRAYAL Why would a mother do this ???

[BritAirwaysgirl]

I am 50. My mum died, suddenly and unexpectedly 2 years go when she was 75. Everyone was devastated. Dad is still alive and well.

I had a great relationship with my mum and believe I was a supportive, thoughtful, caring, kind, generous, pretty amazing daughter. I am her only daughter. She was a lovely Grandma to my daughter.

It has recently come to light that she shared with my teenager daughter (17) some very private, personal, information about me which I do not think was hers to share, and not appropriate that she told my daughter. In short, the fact that I had an abortion in my mid-teens and that I dabbled briefly with soft, recreational drugs, during my teenage years, and briefly smoked.

Why the f* would she do this? What could she have hoped to achieve?

My daughter told me this and mentions it occasionally, ie “well you did drugs” and “you smoked”.
I haven’t touched drugs nor cigarettes since I was 20 and am now 50.

What did she hope to achieve by doing this? Why would she want to hurt me and betray me in this way? By sharing this personal information – this was only ever going to hurt me and upset me.

Any MNetters have any advice or explanation or experience of a mother doing this?

This has unfortunately really clouded my view of my late-mother.

She shouldn't have discussed the abortion with your daughter but was the context? Was DD agonising over a difficult decision or similar situation?

With regards to dabbling in drinking and smoking lol well most teens do? I can't imagine she thought that was overly contentious!! I would have no issue with my mym laughing at my youthful abandon and having a giggle with my kids in an attempt to relate tbh

Have you considered that your DD may possibly once have spoken to your DM about her fears of getting pregnant, and that you would be really angry and disgusted with her? Maybe your DM was trying to reassure her by saying that no, you would understand, and this is why. If that conversation did take place, then it is unlikely your DD would tell you what led up to it.