Upset that family member commented on our relationship

[confusedlots]

We've had a tough few years,very stressful major house renovations, serious illness in an elderly parent, and I have been generally overwhelmed and stressed with life in general. It's not been great and we have had arguments, but we are giving things a go at the minute. I'm getting on with things and probably feeling a bit sensitive about things.

I have an older relative who I see once or twice a year (due to distance) and who we have seen quite a lot over the past couple of weeks as she has been staying close by. She clearly found an opportunity to get me on my own and cornered me asking me about our relationship, basically implying that we must not be in a good place. I'm just so upset by it. Her and her DH never had kids, have had relatively little stresses in their lives apart from some minor illnesses, and I just feel so upset that she felt the need to comment on our relationship when she hardly sees us. Yes I might think similar about some other couples, but I would never dream of saying it out loud to them unless it was something they had brought up. Just feeling very sensitive and upset about it.

If she is a family member who doesn't see nor know you well, and started asking pointed questions yet not asking if she could possibly help, then yes I think it may be pure nosiness.

Give yourself a break OP, marriage and children can be really challenging.

If you haven't experienced trying to juggle young children then you have NO idea.

My husband and I never had a hint of a bad word between us in the years before we had children.....it's testing.
AND you have been doing renovations.

Be kind to yourself and pay her no heed.

Have definitely taken on board all the messages, but very much appreciate this one too. The past few years have been pretty awful, our young son developed sepsis and very nearly died, major house renovations resulted in us living in a caravan for 2 years with 2 young children and pets, I had a horrific miscarriage which ended up in surgery to resolve, one of my parents developed sepsis and now is disabled as a result and my elderly mother is his full time carer, I could go on, but I think you get where I'm coming from!

Agree with PP, be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot.

Your relative sounds annoying. I find relatives without children generally have no idea.

Anyone without young children doesn't know.
I certainly had zero idea how relentless it can be.
You and your husband have been through a truly horrendous few years, I cannot imagine how unbelievably stressful it has been.

Save your energy for yourself and don't waste it on some judgemental nosy relative whom if she really wanted to help you, more than quizz you, could have offered some practical help.

Yes, she's been through a lot. But that's even more reason for the relative to be worried about her if it's clear that the relationship seems to be falling apart.

Not having children doesn't make someone incapable of recognising when someone's relationship is worryingly rocky. There's nothing to suggest that the person is judging OP for it. It sounds like she's checking in with her, privately, to check she's okay.

Are you sure she wasn't just trying to show her concern for you, albeit in a clumsy way? It sounds like you're dealing with a lot and this could make you oversensitive, seeing it as criticism when it wasn't meant that way.

I just wanted to let everyone know that things are much better now (for anyone who is interested!). Me and DH have had a good talk and it has done the world of good 😀

I don't see how she'd know that your relationship was struggling unless she heard or saw you arguing with him or you already told her something. Unless it came from someone else you did confide in?
Just tell her it's fine thanks and move the convo on.