Just as it says in the title really.
I have been with my husband for 21 years this year and there have been peaks and troughs, financial stresses and strains and the loss of his mum, but generally things have always been OKish.
I can't put my finger on when it started to happen, but I see some personality changes happening with him. He has always been quite a sarcastic person, but lately this has ramped up a bit, sometimes in front of other people, and sometimes just not funny. He can be snappy and short tempered. He is also most of the time a nag to our daughter (who is 20), and doesn't seem to have interactions with her that are pleasant, just lecturing in nature - she hasn't done enough chores, isn't tidy enough etc. etc - it makes me feel like she is never good enough. He can have periods of time when he is lovely and we get on really well, but sometimes in the rut of everyday life he can be a bit spatty and spiteful, but then gaslights me saying I never take any blame for anything, I always side with our daughter, he will say I gang up on him with her - I just feel like I need to fight her corner sometimes when he is being what I perceive to be frankly unreasonable.
It is just not what I had hoped for for my life - I had always wanted my life partner and father to my children to be a wonderful man - someone who they would be besotted with, a real rock, someone they would consider "the best dad". I know this is a bit fairytale, but my childhood had times when it was a bit crap with a slightly useless father who had a lot of issues ultimately led to a broken home, divorced parents. I just never really wanted that for me.
Sometimes I wonder whether he has a tumour or the beginning of Alzheimers as he does seem to have these changes in behaviour that are definitely worse in the last few years.
I just wonder sometimes whether life would be easier on my own, or am I expecting too much and a perfect relationship is purely a dream?