I not sure what to do

[OGAR]

Hi was wondering for a bit of advice
I have been with my partner for 9yrs , we have two children together and two from my previous relationship.
was wondering what’s everyone else’s thoughts on your partner of nearly 10 years just sit and watch u with all 4 kids , he can see and hear the kids but doesn’t do anything (no parenting )he just sits on the sofa playing computer games or out in the back garden smoking while I run around like a headless chicken. he thinks because he goes to work that should be it . Not sure what to do

Do you work?

Not at the moment I had a baby 9months ago

Have you talked to him about this, OP? Maybe he thinks you’re happy with your workload. Some men need to have things explained to them!

Try to put it in a positive way, eg “Will you give me a hand with XYZ, please?” And thank him if he does it. Then move the conversation on to how valuable his input around the house is, because with four DC it’s too big a workload.

Are DC old enough to do more for themselves too?

Leave. I was in this position. It prob wouldn’t even matter if you was working as to if he’d help parent or around the house. My ex partner didn’t contribute any help when I worked neither did he when HE thought it would be better for us all for me to give my job up to be at home with the children. His argument was when I worked was I do more hours than you. Then his argument when I did work was well you wanted to stay at home. Now he’s gone life’s a lot easier without his mess. Its honestly like having an extra child when dealing with someone like that

I have worked in the past like 3 jobs took a baby with me , I still had to do everything! He would say things like when u get a proper job.
I think he is controlling, I have tried talking to him but I’m not being funny he can literally see me struggling I have mental health issues and this is really affecting me a long with the controlling behaviour. I have been to next link and they have said it is, we currently rent from housing association . He noved into my flat , then we moved to a bigger house I put his name on the house now I’m stuck. So not a very nice situation atm

Pull the trigger on this OP.
Get back to work, call it a day in the relationship. These lazy men never change.

Agree with what pp has said they never change. My ex could only be arsed to do anything if it was for him self. If I ever brought up about him doing nothing he’d sulk and would still continue to sit there or me and the kids would get the silent treatment. Always too tired to do anything. Funnily enough though he wasn’t too tired to cheat 🤔
on the very rare occasions he would wash the pots or hoover a room he would say there I’ve helped you. It’s not help when it comes to your house and your family it’s contributing and doing your part