Please knock some sense into me

[itsallcomingbacktomenow1]

Husband couldn't get hard. First time this has happened. We haven't had sex in 3 months, when we went to do it, he couldn't get hard. He is 30.

I'm overthinking everything and I feel like he must not be attracted to me. I can't shake that feeling. He reassures me that he is attracted to me but I still feel like he isn't, feel like it's me. There's hardly no affection other than a kiss when he comes home and when we go to bed.

Need to get this off my chest, I'm too embarrassed to speak to friends. I'm being really off with him. Just can't look at him the same. I feel it's me 😔

There are lots of reasons this could happen. Stress is a big one. Try not to take it personally x

This can happen for lots of reasons! Try not to make it about you because it 99% isn't about you.

What advice do you expect with no background/context?

Is he stressed about work or family issues, is he in ill health, is he depressed, has he gained or lost weight, are you in a stressful period (house purchase, etc), do you have money issues, does he worry about the future, do you generally have a nice life, have you had conversations about the lack of intimacy, do you bicker, do you spend quality time together? Why do you think it’s you - have you gained or lost weight, has something changed, has your confidence dropped, do you feel less glam or fit than you used to, are you stressed or worried, are you depressed?

There’s 1848473914939191 possible reasons, none of us will know the answer, you’ll have to sit down and talk to him.

Another option to consider is that he might be feeling guilty about something.

Reasons I've failed to get or maintain an erection, in no particular order:

Tiredness
Work stress
Not being able to get the Benny Hill music out of my head.
Being convinced DD was going to wake up in the other room.
Grief
A particularly unpleasant episode of the x-files earlier in the evening
Just because
Worry about the previous nights "Just because"
Worry about the two previous nights "Just because" (This one turned into a bit of a spiral
DP farting
Getting the giggles
Pressure to perform (This one seems likely if you haven't had sex in a while)
3rd time in one night

I can probably go on, but you get the picture. The one thing that has definitely never caused a failure to launch is the naked human lying next to me who wants to do naughty things with me.

As the poster above says, failing to get an erection is rarely if ever about the partner or how attracted the man is to her. Life stress or performance anxiety are the usual culprits. This won't be about you!

Edit - and I know you're not doing it intentionally, but please try to change the 'being off with him' - sulking about it is a sure fire way to ensure he doesn't get an erection next time either. Same way a man sulking about not having sex is the least sexy thing imaginable