So I guess the question is - was he similar before he started in the Police.
Entitlement is an interesting word - this is very common in PO as somehow they feel they are owed something for the job they do.
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s difficult with the hours. But no one is holding a gun to their head to make them do it. It’s a job like any other and one they are choosing the lifestyle to do.
It’s not up to you and your children to put up and shut up as if you are doing some sort of public service by doing all the heavy lifting so he can be a PO.
It is not your responsibility to ensure he can do nothing to facilitate his work like some form of national hero. Nope, it’s a job, same as any other.
Id honestly consider how many years of this you want and how much you want your children to grow up like this.
From my experience you have the decent officers who are family orientated and don’t involve themselves in the drinking/affairs/really fucking boring war stories about every job they’ve gone to.
Then you have the other 80% who immerse themselves in the whole ‘the teams my family’ rubbish. I’ve been there, and wasted a lot of my life doing nothing and not actually growing up and it’s something I hugely regret.
Time for the sit down cards on the table I think.
It is not up to you to facilitate this lifestyle - if you decided you really wanted to be a train driver/airline pilot/ any other career that would involve shifts, how supportive would he be? Why don’t you get a choice to do your duty!
Men’s careers should not automatically come first - you still have goals yourself and you both decided to have children so he needs to step back from the public service crap, realise it’s a job like any other (albeit with difficult and stressful days, which is why it’s relatively highly paid for a job with no academic entry criteria) and realise he is first and foremost a father and husband.
Good luck OP