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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband never has my back

13 replies

bell1989 · 12/08/2024 13:49

Views please.

In February of this year me and a cousin fell out and stop talking. The reason we stopped talking was because she had her first child and two weeks later I had my second child. she became demanding that I go see her first child and with me just having my second child it was difficult. It's not that we wouldn't have seen her first baby it was the timing of her expectations for me to see her first baby. By the way she lives a two hour drive away. I assured her we would get a date in. But she continue to demand to get a date in soon. Anyway in October of that year where we both had our children , it was my brothers wedding. As I knew we would be seeing and meeting my nephew at the wedding for the first time I specifically went out and got a few gifts for him. When I gave the gift to her at the wedding she later told me that it 'was a can't be arsed gift'. Because I didn't go to see her baby and gift the gift then. I should add she posted a gift for my daughter and I honestly I still appreciated it. I didn't expect her to come to see her. It's the thought that counts. I also told her we were planning on coming up that summer as I was finally getting to a place where I was comfortable in myself and the new family dynamic of having two under the age of 3. This wasn't good enough for her. She also continued to compete with everything I did. And I found her exhausting.

Anyway enough was enough so we had a confrontation in January of this year and we haven't spoken since.

Now this is where I'm struggling. So we have an extended family WhatsApp group where occasionally we wish cousins, aunts and uncles etc happy birthday. Today was her birthday. I of course I wasn't going to wish her happy birthday as we don't talk. My husband did. This is where I have an issue. Because although he agreed that how she behaved previously was wrong and that he didn't like her he wished her happy birthday. I told him by doing that you don't have my back. He did take accountability and apologised. My issue is he's done this before. He said he only wished her happy birthday because he thought her husband wish me happy birthday (which he didn't nor did my cousin).

I'm struggling to forgive my husband even though he's apologised it's because he's done this previously. Where he has put others before me. I'm I wrong in this situation? I know it sounds silly but it's more the principle behind it that's getting to me.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/08/2024 13:51

You all sound exhausting to be honest.

Your cousin is bang out of order. You sound high maintenance and there's absolutely no reason why your husband shouldn't be allowed to wish your cousin a happy birthday.

Mrsttcno1 · 12/08/2024 13:54

He hasn’t done anything wrong wishing her happy birthday OP

Pinkypinkyplonk · 12/08/2024 13:56

Life’s too short, let it go.

Bobbotgegrinch · 12/08/2024 17:11

Christ, I feel sorry for your husband!

PurpleReindeer2 · 12/08/2024 17:26

Far too much drama. Life and family relationships shouldn't be this difficult. Post pregnancy stress and hormones. You both need to move on and be polite.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/08/2024 17:26

You should be rising above this level of pettiness which is clearly what your husband is trying to do.

AgnesX · 12/08/2024 17:28

What a drama queen. Wishing her happy birthday is no big deal 🙄

Lacdulancelot · 12/08/2024 17:31

I'm very lc with my bil, he's a grade a arse.
Couldn't care less if dh wishes him a happy birthday.

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 12/08/2024 17:37

This is not 'never having your back'. This is him being civil rather than get caught in the middle of your falling out.

StormingNorman · 12/08/2024 17:38

This is so childish. He hasn’t done anything wrong and he hasn’t put anyone before you. These little messages just keep lines of communication open.

You’re giving this too much headspace.

drane · 12/08/2024 17:44

God, looking at the title only I was thinking YANBU but after reading that... your cousin and you both need to grow up

Justcallmebebes · 12/08/2024 17:53

To be honest, it sounds exhausting! Your DP really did nothing wrong and was being the bigger person. Really, life is way too short, send your cousin a text

SaintHonoria · 12/08/2024 18:01

ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/08/2024 13:51

You all sound exhausting to be honest.

Your cousin is bang out of order. You sound high maintenance and there's absolutely no reason why your husband shouldn't be allowed to wish your cousin a happy birthday.

Nailed it.

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